Modern Love
by GoblinQueenie
Summary: Misadventures of ancient gods in a modern world. Eros has lost his bow to Dionysus in a drunken poker game and enlists a young mortal to go on a quest to win it back for him.
1. In which there is potential

**AN:** I have self edited this the best I could, but I'm ridiculously bad at such things. So, please, if anyone is interested in being my beta, I would love you forever and make you cookies. Or something. You can reach me at goblinqueenie on AIM and YIM, or goblinqueenie at gmail dot com.

That said, this is a sequel of sorts to a previous novella (that desperately needs to be rewritten) in which ancient gods still exist in the modern world. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter One: In which there is potential.

Alone, at a corner table of the quirky independent coffee shop was a man who seemed more than a little out of place in the young hipster crowd. In his late thirties, his hair was dark, curling and his skin pale. The expression on his face brooked no interruption of his cappuccino, his suit jacket thrown carelessly over the back of the empty chair across from him in a subtle yet recognizable statement that, no, he was not interested in company.

Territory thus marked, he remained glaring at the late night crowd of college students. More than once, his attention fell on two, a young man and woman obviously on their first date. The young man sat in awkward silence, an embarrassed smile on his face. To make up for his apparent inability to speak, the young woman seemed to be telling her life story, pausing often with to give her date a hopeful look.

When he would say nothing, the cause of the lack of actual conversation his seeming inability to string a coherent thought together, she would look away, considering.

What she was considering, the lone man in the corner couldn't be sure. Though his money was on suicide by coffee cup.

"What are you thinking?" the young man asked with that same shy smile.

"You must be tired of my endless nattering.

"Not at all."

"Well, I am," she said, but not rudely.

"As am I," the eavesdropper muttered under his breath.

"So… tell me something interesting," she commanded of her date.

The man in the corner turned away from them, pressing his thin hands against his face. It was a wasteland, this vista of the young. Not a spark of feeling amongst the lot of them. The lame couple had potential, at least, he could see it shining around them. And the girl, at least, was trying, honestly trying.

The boy had said something inappropriate and the eavesdropper once again turned his attention to them.

"Intimidating?" the girl said with a note of quiet hysteria. She made a visible effort not to make too much of a scene. "Cats. Death. Munchy-munchy!"

Her date looked at her with the pure terror that is provoked by witnessing a woman undone. "What?"

"I'm going to die. Alone. In a house. With thirty cats. Who will then proceed to eat my carcass." When she said it, it came out as a sort of quiet screech.

"What?" he managed again.

The man at the corner table laughed aloud, if quietly. "Munchy-munchy. That's a good one." Feeling an inordinate amount of sympathy for her, he smiled at them.

The light of potentiality grew brighter. The boy smiled at her. "What do you want me to say?" he asked with a chuckle

"Tell me I'm pretty."

"Of course you are," he said with another laugh. "Much too pretty to die alone." He gently squeezed her shoulder.

She had buried her face in her hands and now looked up at the touch. Smiling she said, "Thanks."

"Done freaking out?"

"I think so."

"Cool."

The man in the corner stood, relatively satisfied with his evening's excursion.


	2. In which the situation changes

**AN: **This one is a bit short, and there's not much plot development, but I promise it'l be more interesting soon.

Still looking for a beta, if anyone is interested. GoblinQueenie on AIM and YIM; goblinqueenie at gmail dot com

* * *

Chapter Two: In which the situation changes.

He saw the girl again nearly a week later at the same coffee house. This time she was with two of her friends, a red head and brunette, obviously indulging in a girls' night out. She looked miserable.

"What's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you," one of her friends answered.

"There has to be. I mean, one day he's all up in my kool-aid and then here I am, a week later and no word from him."

"Then forget him," the other said.

"He's obviously not worth your time," the brunette finished the thought.

"But. . . we're Harry Potter soul mates. He has a web comic. He told me I was pretty- "

"And he's dumb as a box of rocks."

The lovelorn girl had to laugh at that. "Louisa-"

"What? It's true! Back me up here, Annie," she nudged the red head.

"Here's something that'll make you feel better," Annie said, changing the subject. "A white girl, a black girl and a Mexican girl walk into a coffee house . . . ."

They laughed at themselves as the broke down as Annie's ethnic joke implied. The three were comfortable with each other, they had the rapport of people who had known each other for years.

Annie herself was a pleasant looking girl, if a bit on the heavy side, in her early twenties and obviously a natural red head. Louisa was short than the other two and was probably of a mixed race background, with her almond eyes and tightly curling long black hair.

The third, who's name the man in the corner hadn't managed to catch yet, had a tendency to speak with her brown hands, gesticulating almost wildly. "I'm going to get more chai," she announced as she stood. Before she could think about approaching the counter, Annie called her back, "Eliana!"

"What?"

"Get me another soda," she said and handed over her wallet.

"Fine," she said sassily. "Lazy bitch."

"You're up. I'm not. See the logic?"

"Whatever," she said with a dismissive wave and went to the counter.

The man in the corner felt an odd flash of guilt after hearing their conversation. He'd pushed Eliana and that boy together after her 'munchy-munchy' outburst only to have her here, heartbroken.

Sometimes, he thought as he leaned back in his chair, divinity was rather difficult.

* * *

**AN: **Hope you enjoyed. Please drop me a line about what you thought, good or bad. 


	3. In which there is an accident of fate

Chapter Three: In which there is an accident of fate

The god was outside of the coffee shop on the patio when he saw the girls again. Eliana was standing in the backseat of a two-door car, which had been parallel parked rather badly. He lit his cigarette and watched with curiosity as she rummaged through a backpack.

"I can't find it," she said as she started to climb out of the door.

"Don't you have a lighter, Lo-" she stopped as her foot caught the seat belt

The fall to the ground was long and protracted- it looked like she had caught herself three times before she landed on the pavement: once on the seat, once on the lip of the door ad the final time she caught the seatbelt she had tripped on. It pulled taught and as she was sighing with relief, hanging half out of the car, it went slack again without warning.

She landed hard on the street, legs extended in front of her. "Ow!" she shrieked. "I broke my ass!"

Louisa and Annie laughed at her screaming, clutching their sides. Annie actually sank to the ground herself, unable to keep her legs under her body.

"My ass! Is broken!" She noticed her friend sitting beside her and asked, "What are you doing down here?"

"Can't... breathe... laughing..."

"Shut up!"

He stood, walking to the scene of utter public humiliation, while trying not to join the rest of the patrons on the patio in snickering.

Eliana and Annie looked up at him from their position on the pavement.

"Here," he said, handing her his lighter.

With the expression of someone who wanted nothing more than to be put out of their misery she accepted it. "Thanks." Not standing she pulled a pack of cloves out of her purse, lit one and offered him his lighter again.

"Keep it, I have another."

"Right," she said and shoved it in the half empty pack. "Thanks again."

She didn't stand up until he'd started walking back to his table. He heard her say, "Oh, I long for sweet, sweet death."

"It's not that bad," Louisa tried to console. Annie was too busy giggling madly again and working to stay on her feet.

"Yeah, it really is."


	4. In which the sun will rise

Chapter Four: In which the sun will rise.

The man at the corner table began to look forward to his run ins with Eliana. She was definitely someone he wanted to keep around. Since the dissolution of Olympus, he had to admit that he missed the lofty view of the goings on of mortals. Nothing quite beat watching their myrmidon like movements from above. And the god's eye view certainly afforded him better aim.

This time he saw her, she was with a new boy, the 'Harry Potter soul mate' apparently having exited her life. When he glanced in their direction he was nearly blinded by the sheer intensity of emotion floating in the air around them. A luck match, he thought, apparently the Fates were attempting to pay her back for his earlier error. He would have to thank The Moirae later, though he hated when he had to own up to his mistakes.

He watched them; bothered by something he couldn't quite put his finer on. The chemistry was there, the compatibility… he couldn't find any reason why they hovered on the edge of 'could be' and weren't firmly in the land of, 'oh my god, they are so in lerve!'

Deciding that it really couldn't hurt to move things along a little he smiled at them the same smile he'd given Eliana and the doomed other boy.

The change wasn't noticeable instantly, but very close to it. He apologized for something and took her hand, raising it with a sly look and kissed her knuckles.

Epiphany seemed to spread across her features and, as sure as the sun would rise, she was head over heels for the boy.

"It's nothing, really."

"Well, I'd better go. This was fun," he said as he stood and patter the top of her head. "See you in class, shorty."

"Just 'cause you're a giant- "

"No. I'm normal. You're a midget."

"Midget! Excuse me? Wanna take this outside?"

"Eliana, I really do have to go."

The god frowned. Something wasn't quite right. The push had Eliana in love, but the boy remained seemingly unaffected. He was still exuding nothing more than 'maybe.'

Every time he saw Eliana during the next week he was subjected to either her absolute adoration of Marco or her desperate dejection at his treatment of her.

Marco had yet to meet again with her outside of class, seemingly refusing to be anywhere too private with her.

"But then he does things like skip his anthropology class to sit outside with me and argue for hours. He's-"

A flip-flopper?" Annie suggested.

"Oh shut up."

"She has a point. What do you want from this guy?"

"Well, to date him. See where it goes from there."

"Have you asked him out?"

"You know I have. I've asked him to your concerts at least a million times. You were there when he called and cancelled last Tuesday.

"At least he called that time," Annie said.

"Have you ever called him on it?"

"On what?"

Louisa rolled her eyes. "Standing you up. Have you ever asked him what the hell's up with that?

"Well… not really. He'll just apologize and kiss my cheek and… well, that's about the point I get stupid."

"Do you love him?"

By now Eliana was more than a little annoyed with Louisa's shrewd questions. "Of course not. How could I love him, I've only seen him alone once-"

"You just said he skipped class with you."

"At school. He refuses to actually go out, even down the block for a cup of coffee."

Louisa shrugged. "Doesn't sound like he's interested."

"Then why is he flirting with me constantly?"

Annie finally spoke up again. She really had very little patience for Eliana's melodramatic whining. She adored the girl, sure, but she was more concerned with her own boyfriend, who she was actually dating. Eliana having a crush on some loser again was nothing out of the ordinary. "Maybe he has a girlfriend."

Eliana looked at her as though she had just announce that she enjoyed eating kittens. "You think he'd have mentioned that."

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "Boys are stupid."

"Mortals are stupid," the god muttered to himself. "In general."

Eliana laughed. "Well, whatever. Enough of my annnnnnngst for one night. I'm popping outside for a smoke. Care to join me? We need to get to planning that birthday party."

"All right."


	5. In which there is a party

**AN: **Sorry I fell off the face of the planet for a while there- the real world can be stupid. Just wanted to thank anybody who's still with me after my stupid long hiatus, especially my reviewers. Nixiesocean, thanks for the critique, longer chapters are on the way and Farie Insignias, I'm glad you find Eliana so relatable, I'm always afraid that in going for the humor I tend to make irrititating stereotypes.

Chapter Five: In which there is a party.

Eliana was drunk. Really, really, really drunk. But, as she was happy to tell anyone loudly, it was her birthday.

"Well, not really. 'Cause it's the 28th, and my birthday's not on the 28th, but Annie and I," she pointed to her friend, who was tipsy, but not nearly quite so bad, "Decided to have the party today."

"Well, happy birthday, Eliana," a girl he didn't recognize said. "Is anyone else from class coming?"

Eliana's happily smashed smile faded a bit. "I'll tell you something, Nicci, 'cause I like you and you love Eighties cartoons as much as I do," she said and to the other girl's surprise, her voice lowered and she seemed almost… sober. "That's why I'm piss drunk. I have the biggest, stupidest, vomit inducing teenage crush on Marco."

"And he's supposed to be here."

"But notice he's not."

"Yeah, I picked up on that."

"He had his brother call me."

"What?"

"Yeah. Said he was sick- he drank too much last night and forgot all about the party. So now he's passed out, still hung over, the motherfucker."

"That? Is super lame."

"I know. Well, my buzz is wearing off, guess it's time for more whiskey."

"Since when did coffee houses start serving whiskey?"

"Since I started packing a flask."

"You're a woman after my own heart, Eliana. We should have done this sooner."

"You're right. You, as opposed to the majority of the human population, actually have two brain cells to rub together. I knew it wasn't just me, Annie and Louisa."

"What about Marco?" Louisa teased.

"Sparco is a motherfucker and we're not talking about him the rest of the night." She took a long pull from the flask before passing it around.

"Wait, wait, Marco's been sp'd?" Annie asked, sitting down with refilled glasses of wine.

"What the hell is sp'd?" Nicci asked.

"Do you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

"While you explain your insanity," Louisa said, "I'm going to go convince Chris to play happy birthday for you guys.

"You rock, Louisa, you rock," Eliana said, the slur coming back to her words.

The god in the corner chuckled to himself and went outside for a cigarette. He looked back, vaguely surprised to see that Eliana had followed him.

Lighting her clove with the lighter he'd given her, she took a deep drag before saying, "So, I see you here all the time and I've never introduced myself. I'm Eliana."

"Eros."

She blinked slowly. "Eros."

"Yes."

"As in-"

"Yes, as in the god."

"Hippie parents?

"Well, I suppose you could call them that. I mean, what can you really expect from a woman spawned from the waves."

"So you're a nut bar."

He laughed. "You don't believe me."

"Drunk," she said pointing to herself. "Not crazy. Besides, aren't you supposed to be blonde?" She snorted at the look he gave her. "Oh, so that's a touchy subject. My bad."

Shaking his head he put out his cigarette in the ashtray. "Go back to your party, Eliana. Chris is going to play happy birthday for you."

"Ok, that wasn't impressive, just creepy."

"And why would I want to impress you?"

"'Cause I don't believe you and if I remember my mythology right, that's an insult to your pride. Aren't gods supposed to be touchy about those sorts of things?"

"You're right, we are. But you're drunk, so I'm willing to let you get away with it."

She giggled, holding a hand in front of her mouth as if that would somehow hide it. "You're psychotic, but you're entertaining. Now I really am going back to my party, unless you can prove that you're really Eros."

He looked around then took off his suit jacket. He rolled his shoulders back and, seemingly from nowhere, he had wings.

Her jaw dropped. "Great googly moogly."

"Now do you see why it didn't hurt my pride?" He put the coat back on, the snowy wings disappearing to wherever they had come from.

Instead of having one of her most entertaining flip outs, she merely closed her mouth, walked over to him and slapped his face. "You are such an asshat."

It took her a moment to realize that physically abusing a god wasn't exactly one of her smarted ideas. But she was still too tipsy to really care. She turned away from the stunned Eros and went back to her party.

After all, Chris was going to play happy birthday for her.


	6. In which there is less violence

**AN: **Apologies for the long wait for the next chapter. There was computer trauma (I swear, I am the most technologically incapable person ever) that took forever to sort out. This is why I loathe only having a digital copy of things. Computers equal witchcraft. Hopefully things are straightened out now, so there won't be quite the same wait.

That said, we're still running on my self edited version, so if any of you have stuck with me (I totally understand if you haven't) I'd still very much appreciate a beta. Also, thanks to all that reviewed, y'all are great.

Chapter Six: In which there is less violence.

Eros was more than surly today. He was downright angry at the world and he knew a certain little mortal he'd like to give a swift kick in the ass. But, she hadn't shown up at the coffee house all day, which was unusual. He was preparing to leave when she and Nicci walked in.

"Hang on a sec," she said to her friend when she noticed his presence. "I have to go smooth some feathers." She laughed at the joke her friend didn't get.

"Eliana," he greeted as she approached.

"So, I did hurt your pride. Sorry about that."

"Don't pretend you got to me."

Crossing her arms over her chest she said, "You may be divine, but if you think I believe that for a second then you're not very clever. Then again, you _are_ the go of love."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're a 'tard."

"I'm sorry?" he asked, disbelieving.

"You heard me."

"Yes, I did and now I'm giving you a chance to save yourself."

She snorted. "I have one word for you- Marco."

"I didn't know he had a girlfriend-"

"He what?" she shrieked.

Nicci at that point moved closer, saying, "What's going on, Ellie?"

"Nothing. Just... bleh."

"Bleh?" she asked with a small laugh.

Eliana had to smile, "That's the best I can come up with. So, Sparco does have a girlfriend."

"How'd you find out?" Nicci asked, looking at Eros suspiciously.

"Mutual friends," Eros replied coolly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to be going."

"See you on the flip side. And try not to prompt anymore angst while you're gone. I hate being that disgusting and I'm sure no one else much cares for it either."

"I'll keep that in mind. Try and keep your wits about you once in a while and see if that doesn't help."

"You're lucky I owe you a lighter or it'd be on."

"Consider it payment for stupid James."

Eliana's eyebrows raised. "That was you?"

"To hear you tell it, it's all me. And after all, you would know my job better than you."

"I am so not following," Nicci interrupted.

"I'm not either," Ellie agreed. "See you."

Eros waved over his shoulder as he left the two girls. As much as he hated to admit it, Eliana had a point. He'd seriously screwed up twice with her. To his credit, though, these days it was harder than ever before. Especially with mortals like her- they cling so desperately to the idea of all an consuming amor and yet refuse to believe in its actual existence. Which was probably why so many of then were no longer capable of such amor any longer.

Despite his intention to leave, he found himself sitting on the porch again, where he'd first revealed his divinity to Eliana. Thinking on it that was, it was a wonder that he wasn't arrested for public lewdness. He'd have to be more careful of his own thoughts- spending so much time with the young crowd had him thinking like them.

But what other choice did he have?

Eliana slid into the chair across from him. "Thought you were leaving."

"Where's Nicci?"

"Had to run some errands for her mom. I told her I'd meet up with her later."

"Are you still angsting?"

"Are you?" she shot back. "To my credit, I think I really am in love with the dick smack. Let me tell you, that is so not cool. And now you say he has a girlfriend? Fantastic. So, why is he still hitting on me?"

"Well, that one's also my fault-"

She interrupted, "Do you like fucking with people like me? Do you think that we just don't have enough to deal with on an everyday basis-"

"Don't interrupt a god, it irritates them."

"What doesn't irritate you, you stuffy tool."

"I know what all those words mean, but I still don't understand what you said," he said genially. Before she could respond he continued, "And it's not that I'm just fucking with you, Eliana, it's really not."

"So then what is it, then?"

"We'll that's a bit of a story."

"Buy me a pack of cigarettes and I'll pretend I care."

"What more could I ask of a mortal?"

"You're the god, not me. Though I suppose omniscience never had anything to do with the Pantheon, did it?"

"On the nosey. That was a product of the Christian revolution, as we like to call it."

"We?"

"Well, you could hardly expect that I'm the only one left."

"I hadn't really thought about it."

"Typical modern mortal, not one whit of concern for the deities of old."

"Hey, I'm pretending I care right? You still haven't gotten me my cigarettes yet, either."

"Patience, girl."

She narrowed her eyes, "If I were you, I'd work on being less of a condescending punk."

He laughed, "And why the fuck should I take the advice of a twenty year old college student when I have the wisdom of millennia."

"If you have all that wisdom then, to be cliched, where is the love?"

Eros leaned back in his chair and tossed her his already open pack of Camels. "Are you sure you speak English?"

"For a twenty year old college student I have on of the most amazing vocabularies you'll come across. If I were you, I'd take notes, it'd help with your communication skills."

"You're not the one confused, I am. Think on that for a moment."

She rolled her eyes and lit a cigarette. Once she'd exhaled the first drag she looked at him, vaguely amused and asked, "Do you just like to hear yourself talk or are you that incapable of sticking to the subjecct on hand?"

"And what subject was that?"

"Senility. I knew it. If that's what happens to immortals I better get hom and stick a gun in my mouth, I'd hate to see what happens to us."

"My question was which subject. 'It's a long story (or 'why am fucking with you') or 'where is the love (if I'm understanding what you meant by that.)"

"Start with whichever one is shorter."

He leaned back, placing one hand on his chin. "Now that I think on it, they're both rather intertwined."

"See! Senility. So, tell your long story and I'll sit here and humor you."

"What more could a god ask for? Right, just about anything else..."

"Now you're getting repetitive."

"What was I saying?"

"Jesus Horatio Christ!" she snapped.

He laughed. "I'd forgotten how easy it was to provoke you creatures."

"Here I am, listening to your pointless rambling, just wanting an explanation for why I'm doomed to be the crazy cat lady and what do I get instead? Your dumb ass sense of humor. I'm leaving," she finished and started to stand.

"No you're not."

"Excuse me?" she demanded.

"Sit," he commanded and she was compelled to obey.

"What the hell was that?" she asked, glancing around confused.

Eros looked a little too pleased with himself when he said, "A glimpse of divine wrath. Good to know I've still got it."

"The headache you're giving me right now is just too absurd to be real."

"The majority of the world is too absurd to be real."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Before anymore inanity could be exchanged Nicci returned. "Hey Eliana. Annie just called, she was wondering if we wanted to come up to her place."

Glancing at Eros pointedly she said, "Sure, it's not like anything better's going on."

"Ok then."

"Here," Eros said, handing her a business card. "Just in case you start having nightmares of being the crazy cat lady again and you're ready to apologize."

"Fat chance."


	7. In which sorrows are drowned

**AN:** I feel really bad about my own stupidity induced hiatus, so I'm going to go ahead and put this up. Hopefully it won't seem like I rushed through. Still looking for a beta if anyone is interested.

* * *

Chapter Seven: In which sorrows are drowned.

Eros was more than a little surprised when Eliana called.

"Eros!" she greeted, voice hoarse.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"I think I met the girlfriend."

He pinched the bridge of his nose with a wince. "Oh?"

"And I just wanted to tell you that you're right- the world is far too absurd to exist." She paused and sniffled.

"Are you crying?"

"No. Maybe. All right, yes, a little. It's not as bad as it was."

He couldn't even begin to come up with what he was supposed to say to that. "Well, stop it."

She snorted. "Thanks. I hadn't thought of that until right now."

"Isn't this a bit of an overreaction. I mean, are you sure it was her?"

"Rather. I saw her drop him off before class today and then she bummed a light from me after when I was outside smoking."

"Oh, horror of horrors."

"Shut up!" she snapped. "She was really nice," she said and sniffed again.

"Calm down, Eliana. Take the advice of an immortal- it's all transitory."

"Look, I didn't call you to get advice on just leaving things up to faith. I just wanted to say that you were right and now I want to get back to drowning my sorrows in old Halloween candy and boxed wine."

"That's a bad idea-"

"I don't care if I feel like refried ass tomorrow morning. I feel horrible now and if mini Snickers and Franzia in a plastic cup makes it a little better than that's what I'm going to do."

"Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Expect another 'you were right' call tomorrow, I guess."

"Yeah."

---

"You were right. Again."

"So, that's what you meant by refried ass."

"Do I sound that bad?"

He briefly considered lying to her then said, "Yeah. You do."

"Great. Well, I'm braving the outdoors to get a cup of coffee. Wanna see me in all my 'wow, what the hell happened to her' glory?"

Laughing, he said, "Why not. You still owe me the feigned interest you promised."

"Aw, hell, do I have to?"

"It's a nice distraction."

"Point."

When Eliana arrived at their usual coffee shop she didn't look much like herself. All the times he'd seen her before, she was a well-put together young woman with a penchant for plain white oxfords and black skirts. Now, she was obviously in her pajamas.

"Well. Maybe you should have stayed in."

"Maybe you should kiss my ass."

"Here are your cigarettes, by the way. Now you have to keep your end of the deal."

"This improves thing."

"You do sound a bit better."

"It's the socks," she said, lifting the cuff of her black yoga pants. "They have penguins on them." They did indeed have small penguins with red bow ties. "How can you be sad about being the other woman when your socks have penguins on them. I mean, that wins."

"The other woman, eh?

"Shhh! I'm pretending that didn't happen. I'd suggest you do too, otherwise I'll be spending another day crying uncontrollably."

"You didn't."

"I did. Left school early and didn't stop crying until I passed out from eating and drinking my feelings away.

"And when was that?" he asked with a wince.

"A little after Jeopardy."

He winced again. "Two things: you take things much too seriously and you're much too self-destructive."

"You haven't been the first to tell me so. It just... it was all so vague and undefined before. It seemed like there was still a chance until I met her."

"And now there isn't?"

"No! I mean, I _met_ her. And she's real now, and not only that, but she seems like a decent human being. I can't be some sort of home wrecker. I just can't understand, Eros. I don't know what to do."

"That's easy enough: just live your life."

"But... but I need a plan."

"Stop thinking of things as 'plans of action'. You had a plan of action with Stupid James, now with Marco and look at what they've gotten you. James proved to be one of the biggest morons on the planet and you're madly in love with an unattainable boy."

"But that's all your fault. So, as long as you stop your meddling, my schemes should work."

"Don't be an idiot."

She sighed and fell silent. Finally she said, "But I'm supposed to be here feigning interest in this long story of yours. This entire god thing. Give it to me."

"I'll give it to you good," he said before realizing that with his current avatar she thought he was a forty something nut job.

"You dirty old man!"

"Couldn't help myself, really I couldn't. After all-

"Yeah, Eros. You've been saying."

"Shall we start at the beginning?"

"That's what I've been asking for the past two days."

"Actually, you've been asking for quite a bit more than that-"

"Stop hitting on me or the penguins and I are going home."

"I wasn't hitting on you that time. Nor the first time... it just sort of slipped."

"Great. Now every word out of your mouth I immediately think is some sort of innuendo. Good job putting my mind in the gutter."

He chuckled at her before saying, "Now settle down. Do you want anything before I begin? Because I'm going to hold you to your promise. You won't be moving until I say you can."

"Hang on, still in the gutter." She had pressed her hands over her eyes so she couldn't look at him.

"Are you blushing?"

"Gutter! Gutter, gutter, gutter... oh god you've turned me into a pervert!"

Laughing again he reached over and pulled her hands away from her face. "Settle down, you lecher."

"Ok."

"Ready?" he asked.

She snorted before smacking her hand against her forehead. "Let's just say, 'yes,' and be done."


	8. In which the god tells a story

**AN:** Well, here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy reading it, I really had fun writing this one. Still looking for a beta, contact information's still the same. Thanks for the reviews on the past chapter, really hope ya'll will continue liking this as much as I am.

Chapter Eight: In which the god tells a story and we gain a plot.

"I was really born twice-"

"Say what?"

"I mean, that humans created me twice, as far as the Greek/Roman Pantheon is concerned. There are two stories of my birth."

"Let me get this straight- we created you?"

"Of course you did."

"Then who created us?"

"We did."

She stared at him and rubbed her fingers against her temples. "So, Thomas is wrong?"

"St. Thomas Aquinas?"

"No, Thomas the tank engine. Of course Saint Thomas, who else came up with the single causal series-" she held up her had when he opened his mouth to interrupt. "In reference to God, not the unmoved mover. Remember, Aristotle's Final Cause didn't create men. Aristotle didn't touch that. So, snap!"

He stared at her a moment then said, "Never tell me that anything I say is confusing ever again. Stop thinking about things for five minutes, please. And don't try to come up with any sort of plan of action. No more stratagems- sometimes, things won't fit into your schemes."

"Thanks for the life advice, Mom."

He ignored her and resumed where he'd left off. "I was created twice. Once I stepped from Kaos, once I was born from Aphrodite."

"So, you're older than your mom?"

"_Be quiet_."

She resisted the order to say, very meekly, "Please stop using the god voice on me- I don't like it."

"Then don't give me any reason to. As I was saying, once from Kaos and once as the son of Aphrodite. It was as the son of Venus that I came into the chubby winged kid with a bow period. You can only do that for so long before you get too tired of it. Beside, Miss I know everything, in the majority of the myths I'm a 'youth', not a cherub."

"Point, point. Which is why Psyche wasn't a pedophile… hey, whatever happened to her anyway, after you chucked her on her ass?"

"I did not chuck her on her ass, as you say. She broke an agreement and what is amor without trust."

"Quid sit amor? Liber non patior. Non patior. Non iam," she sang, doing a little dance in her chair.

"You did not translate early nineties dance music into Latin."

"Oh, but I did," she contradicted, lighting another cigarette. He shook his head and took one from the open pack on the table. "I thought those were mine-" she fell silent at the glare he gave her.

"Ok. Just none of that divine whatever. 'Cause meh."

"For hundreds of years I was a mainstay. When the Greeks fell to the Romans they adopted me, changing my name, but still I remained. Things got a bit iffy when Constantine declared Christianity no longer a crime. Then that popular cult became even more popular- the old gods were falling out of fashion. But we remained, despite the spread of the major three monotheistic religions in the Western world, the old gods hung on. And to a certain extent we're still here.

"We don't have all of the divinity that we used to. You say that I use the 'god voice' on you, but I no longer hold the powers I once had, despite the revival the greeting card industry has given me. I can't change the hearts of men. I can only increase what I see as potential- you and James had potential, the same with Marco, only more so.

"Where I ran into problems is that I can't create love anymore, I can't make the emotion so overwhelming and all consuming as I once was able to. I don't even know if that sort of love exists anymore. I could nudge you and Marco along. But I could do nothing about his girlfriend, I only realized she existed when someone else pointed it out to me. That's why, when I pushed you two, you fell and he didn't.

"That's why I like you, Eliana. You're willing to fall. So few people do anymore. You asked me, where is the love? I don't know. Love, true love has all but disappeared. It must still exist, but damn if I can find it any longer. You said that you don't know what to do, no that you've met the girlfriend. I don't know what to do now that my very purpose of existence is gone. What is my game plan?

"There is only so much I can do, spotting feeling already there between people and giving them a push in the direction I want them to go. Sure, it's amusing to turn you into a pervert, briefly, but-"

"That was so not cool! I didn't even realize it was you-"

"That wasn't subtlety, though I do pride myself on that. That was the inability to create, only encourage the growth of what is already there. Watch," he glanced around the patio from their corner table. Spotting two young men, holding hands, he said, "See them?"

"Looks like they're doing ok to me."

"But it could be more." As he glanced at the boys there was a subtle change in the way they looked at each other, touched each other, spoke to each other. Eliana had seen her share of people in love, not a lot sure, but she was young. What she saw between the young men was it.

"And now," he whispered softly, having leaned closer while she was absorbed watching the couple, "they have fallen."

She turned to look at him, eyes wide at his surprising proximity. "You really are a god."

"You weren't just drunk," he confirmed, leaning back in his chair and taking a drag from his cigarette.

"Good to know. But if you can still do that, why are you so… angry?"

"Because," he said, frown returning, "I shouldn't have to just give people a push in the right direction because that's all I can do."

"But if it works?"

"Is it working? You're testament to the fact that it would a good thing for me to have my full powers back. At least I still have what I have."

"Ok," Eliana said with a note of finality. "As interesting as the story was, I think it's time for me to get back to my box of wine"

He shook his head. "That's still a bad idea."

"And I still don't care. I'm out of Snickers though. I'll have to switch to Crunch bars."

She stood up and started to leave, but stopped and turned back. "Whatever happened to the bow, anyway?"

"I lost it."

"You what?" she asked with an incredulous laugh.

"In a bet. This is why you shouldn't play drunken poker with Dionysus. You always lose something you don't want to. Usually you're self respect."

"Do you want it?"

"Of course."

"Because I play Texas Hold 'Em better after about six shots of tequila. Which, if you're a wine drinker, will fuck you up."

Laughing again he said, "I'll consider it. But I suppose you'd want something in return."

"Of course. Nothing's free."

"Of course. What would that be?"

"We'll come to that if we come to it," she said and started to turn.

He held up his hand in a gesture for her to wait. "Let's say we've come to that."

"Have you?" she asked.

"Maybe. I just want to know what I'd be getting myself into. After all, the bow may just be something of sentimental value and there's no sense promising something too big away for it, or not promising anything at all because it might be too big."

"Is it just sentimental?"

"Answer my question, Eliana."

She sat again, heavily. "I don't want to be the crazy cat lady."

"Munchy-munchy."

"Fuck you."

"That was quite funny, you have to admit."

"No. It's terrifying. Think about you pet cats eating your carcass because no one knows that you've died, and won't until the stink gets too bad and tell me how you like it.

His brows drew down as he thought about it.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Anyway. Say it won't happen, that I'm not doomed to die alone with the cats and I'll help you out. If it's not taking him out in poker, I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do it."

"Deal," Eros said and extended his hand. "And it's not just sentiment."

She placed her hand in his and said, "Good to know."


	9. In which there is a discovery

Chapter Nine: In which there is a discovery.

Annie and Louisa were waiting impatiently at Annie's apartment for Eliana to show up, as she promised she'd do as soon as she had left class.

"What the hell's been up with Ellie lately?" Annie asked.

"I don't know. I may live with her, but I can't tell you anything besides I know it's been forever since she's wanted to go out. She hasn't really called anyone, not even Nicci." Louisa rolled her eyes when she said that. Nicci wasn't her favorite person in the world. "Even weirder is that your planning another big New Year's Eve party and last year she was all about planning two months away.

"I know! That's how she's always been with the big parties, it's been damn handy, let me tell you. But lately the only time I hear from her is when she wants to play poker with Michael and his brother of all things. I don't get it."

Louisa snorted. "Maybe Marco has a poker night she's been invited to."

Annie couldn't help but laugh, "Maybe the girlfriend will be there."

The other girl rolled her eyes again. "Jesus, let's not talk about that. Am I ever tired of hearing her moan."

"I can't blame you. I can't imagine seeing the angst every day like you've been lucky enough to."

"Other than the moping she's an ideal roommate. Great cook, always willing to chip in for beer. But damn, the moping," she finished and prompting another loud laugh from Annie.

"Speaking of beer, I'm going to get another. You need one?" Annie asked.

"That'd be great. Where's Michael by the way, I haven't seen him in forever?" she asked, craning her head around to follow Annie's progress into the kitchen.

"Work. He's been having a hell of a time, keeping up with his classes, his cracked out work schedule… makes spending time with him more than a little difficult."

"That sucks."

"But I do have news," she said, returning with fresh beers and dropping onto the couch next to her friend. "Which I'd gladly share if Ellie ever gets her ass here."

As if on cue there was a knock on the door, which opened almost immediately after. Eliana walked in with a theatrical shiver. "Sorry I'm late, weather is _ass_."

"About damn time," Louisa said. "Grab a beer and park your ass. Annie's apparently got big news.

"Oooh, news," she said with a smile. "Tres exciting. Be right there." When she noticed neither of her friends responding, she looked around the corner, back into the living room. "I'm in shit aren't I?"

"You think?" Louisa said, but with a touch of humor.

"Come on, sit down," Annie added, gesturing her in. "You can make your excuses in a minute. I want to be the center of attention right now."

They shared a laugh at that, Annie was usually happy to sit in the background and play the voice of reason to Eliana and Louisa's hare brained antics.

"Then the stage is all yours," Ellie said, cracking open her beer.

"I found a receipt in Michael's coat pocket yesterday. For a ring."

That announcement was met with a moment of stunned silence. Finally Louisa spoke up, "Wait, a ring or A. Ring?"

"A. Ring," Annie confirmed. "He's actually got it on layaway, but it'll be paid for by our anniversary."

"Whoa," was all Eliana could manage.

"Whoa is right! This is so damn exciting honey!" Louisa exclaimed, words coming back to her a little faster.

"Great googly-moogly, Annie. Congratulations!" Eliana agreed. "Uh-oh," she finished when she took in the expression on Annie's face.

"You don't seem nearly as excited as I would have thought you'd be," Louisa said.

"Well. I am. Kinda. I just sort of have these doubts…."

There was another shocked silence, this one decidedly more uncomfortable. "Um," Louisa prompted.

"Not about Michael!" Annie said quickly. "God, nothing about Michael- I love him more than life itself. But it's more, should we be doing this now. I've been pressuring him to pop the question for a few months now, but I think I get his hesitation now. Neither of us is really ready for it, are we? Emotionally sure. But I've got a shitty job until I start graduate school, Michael's job is hardly anything to write home about and he's still in undergrad, for Pete's sake."

"That's what you get for robbing the cradle," Eliana teased, in an attempt to lighten Annie's mood.

"Not all of us want a Mr. Robinson, Ellie," Annie shot back, but there were the beginnings of a smile on her face.

"Ha, _snap_," Louisa said.

"Oh, be quiet. Seriously thought. It's still a while until your anniversary, provided that's when he's going to propose. You can start to hash out what all this is going to entail between now and then."

"I have to say, Ellie's right. I mean, just because he's putting a ring on your finger doesn't mean you have to get married that day. Have a long ass engagement, if you want to, it's your decision."

"I am getting a little ahead of myself, aren't I? I'm sure he'd have no problem waiting until he graduates in May, at the very least."

"You could even be a June bride," Eliana said wistfully.

Annie smiled. "You're right, you're right. I'm just freaking out for the sake of freaking out. I'm turning into you, Eliana."

"Geez, thanks," she said, with a small frown when Louisa joined in on laughing.

"Speaking of you, though," Annie said, with another sly smile, "You're still in shit. Want to be in the center of attention yet?"

"Um. Not anymore? We should be celebrating. You know, this should be your night." She finally allowed her head to hang down, admitting defeat. "Fine. Have at, you harpies."

"Where the hell have you been the past few days? There's been a distinctly cheerful air about the apartment, a sure sign that you're not spending much time there," Louisa said.

"And what's with the poker nights?" Annie added.

"There's this bet…."

"God, not Sparco-"

"No! Eros. That guy we keep running into at the coffee shop, the one that gave me a lighter the day I broke my ass."

"Oh, I see," Louisa said, with a knowing smile. "He is in your age range."

"It's not like that! Just. You know how I get when someone challenges my honor."

"It's a drinking contest?" Annie asked with a stifled giggle.

"I'm not prideful about just my drinking ability. But there is booze involved. So. Anyone up for drunken Texas Hold 'Em? The show down's tomorrow.

"That's _so_ not how we're celebrating," Annie said with a laugh. "Now, then. Let's go party."

* * *

**AN:** As always, any critique and or comment in general is greatly appreciated. 


	10. In which there is a gamble

Chapter Ten: In which there is a gamble.

Eliana was waiting for Eros to call. Tonight was the night she would try and win his bow back for him. She'd been practicing both holding her liquor (not much of a challenge) and kicking ass at poker while doing it (a little more difficult).

Eros had been tracking down the errant drunken god. Thankfully, he wasn't too far and agreed that San Francisco would be very fun vacation from LA.

Her phone rang and she answered it almost immediately. "Yeah?"

"Are you ready?"

"I've eaten a full meal and I have a bottle of Cuervo. Are you sure he doesn't touch the stuff?"

"Greek, remember?"

"Then I'm going to get a god shit faced. This is going to be one of the greatest achievements of my life, isn't it?"

"Well, that would be rather pathetic, wouldn't it?"

"I would take offence to that, but I think you just insulted Dionysus more than you did me."

"Eliana, his default setting is drunker than fuck."

"Which is why it'd be so impressive if he lost his wits because of me."

"Enough. We're waiting for you. I do hope you're ready for the debauched god that is Dionysus."

She heard a loud 'hey!' from the line, apparently Dionysus had taken exception to Eros' description. She laughed before saying, "As a poker extraordinaire? I think I can manage."

"If you say so."

Walking to the gods waiting in Eros' town house was more than a little bizarre. Clutching her brown paper bag of tequila , the air around her seemed redolent with anticipation and, if she were to be completely honest with herself, anxiety. She herself may her quietus make, to misquote the Bard.

"And then the cats are still going to eat me," she muttered. She stopped at the row of similar houses that would have been nearly identical if not for the various color schemes. Checking the address written on her hand, she backed up two and jogged up the concrete steps.

Eros answered the door before she could knock properly. "I saw you walk by. Get confused?"

"Too busy thinking about more important things than where I'm going."

"And that would be?"

"Monkeys."

"I see. Well, come inside."

"This must be the new girlfriend," s short soft looking man said, already drinking wine straight from the bottle.

"It's completely platonic," Eros denied.

"Now that's just weird. But good news for you and me, eh cutie?" he asked and patted her ass.

"Groper!" she shrieked and smacked his hand away.

Eros covered his face with one hand, looking as though his patience was already worn thin. "Dionysus, behave."

"I came to whip your ass at poker, not be molested. Are you making cookies?" she asked, completely changing the subject.

"No…."

"I smell cookies," she said then shrugged. "Olfactory hallucination, I guess. Anyway. Gimme the shot glasses and point me in the direction of the table. I'll deal."

"Table's that way, and I'll be back."

Dionysus shuffled along behind her, humming something or another under his breath. "What offereing did you bring me?" he asked as they sat down at Eros' kitchen table.

"A bottle of Mr. Cuervo," she said, placing her bag in front of him.

"Oh my. I am often reduced to a state of surfeit by that foul spirit. And I don't look very good with jaundiced eyes."

"And wine stains down your front are the epitome of attractiveness," Eros pointed out, placing two shot glasses on the table before leaning back against a wall to observe the strange proceedings. He wasn't handling this nearly as well as he would've liked, unfortunately when he thought of words to describe Eliana 'capable' wasn't one of them.

"There's nothing foul about Cuervo, dude, it's cheap and tasty," Eliana said, sounding truly offended. She wasn't doing much to raise Eros' confidence.

"If you say so, dear," Dionysus said with a bemused smirk.

She merely shrugged and began shuffling the deck. "One hand. For the bow."

"And what will I get if you lose?"

There was an awkward silence. She hadn't really considered the possibility of her losing. "Err…."

"I can come up with a few suggestions, if you're at a loss," he said with a wink.

"Hang on, let me think about this… my ability to get drunk."

"Oh, that's a good one."

"And an especially painful one, considering what a lush I am."

"Very well. Deal."

"Wait," she said and poured them shots of tequila. "I want that bow."

"I want you never to be able to get drunk again."

"You're cruel."

"Blame my cousin."

"Hey!" Eros protested.

After they downed the shot, Dionysus shuddered, "Merciful grape, that's horrible."

"Sorry you think so, we're not done. The rules are we play three sheets to the wind."

"Fine, fine," he said and accepted the second shot she poured. This time she ignored her own glass and took a swig from the bottle.

After his shudder he said, "You're a woman I could love, Eliana."

"It's just tequila," she said, but placed a hand to her chest as the artificial warmth spread through from the throat on. "Ready?" she asked after pouring a third shot.

"How much of this do I have to knock back?"

"Until I say you're done."

"Oooh, she's feisty," he said to Eros in a too loud drunken whisper.

She ignored him and poured another. "This had better be worth the pain I'm going to feel tomorrow," she informed Eros.

After they'd downed more than half the bottle, she dealt. After he looked at the cards he sighed and said, "You win."

"Whuh?" she asked, confused. "But… this is just the blind. We haven't even properly begun yet."

"I know. But no matter what cards you give me, I lose. And so do you, in fact."

"Not following."

"I don't have it."

Eros wasn't pleased to hear that, jerking forward off of the wall. "You what?" he demanded, walking slowly toward the god of the grape.

"It was stolen."

"Really?" Eros asked, eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"For once I didn't gamble something away. It really was stolen."

"Who has it?"

"You're not going to like this."

"I already don't like this."

"Coyote."

* * *

**AN:** Sorry this is so short, but I figure better short than falsely inflated (and compared to earlier chapters this is a veritable tome, heh). I don't know, if it seems like there's something missing, or it could conceivably be attached to the next chapter without making that one long-winded and boring, let me know. Also, I was running on very little sleep when I went through this one for mistakes, so let me know about any typos, awkwardness, confusion, whatnot. Thanks for sticking with me, and letting me know what ya'll think. 


	11. In which there is scheming

**AN:** Meant to have this up yesterday, sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Eleven: In which there is scheming.

"Who?" Eliana asked, eyes too wide from the booze and swaying slightly in her chair. "Wait, wait. Coyote. As in, uh, yeah?"

"That's the one," Dionysus admitted.

"I told you not to fool with peyote anymore!" Eros snapped "And this is why- that old son of a bitch will make you regret it. And now I regret it."

"It was quite fun, if that's any consolation."

"It isn't."

"Well…. Sorry?"

Eliana looked back and forth between the gods. Finally she said, "I have the spins. I'm going to go lay down now, before things get too out of control and I spend the next few hours horking."

"I'm in the same boat. That Cuervo is not agreeing with me," Dionysus said. "Congratulations, dear. You've bested a god. In more ways than one."

"I'll celebrate later," she said and thunked her head on the table.

"For a mortal, she's fun," the drunken god said.

"How are you going to get it back?"

"I don't know. I was sort of hoping you'd never try and reclaim it."

"I'll do it," Eliana said, voice muffled by her proximity to the tabletop.

"What?" Eros asked.

"I said I'd get it back. So, I will. Get it back." She picked up her head and winced at the internal spin it caused. "Where is Coyote? I have a few bones to pick with him, too."

"Last I heard he was in Monterey."

"What the hell is he doing all the way out here?" she asked. "Isn't it a bit far from home?"

"Said it was more interesting here. More people to fuck with."

She made a noise of frustration. "I knew it! I knew my life was too bizarre to be normal! Who breaks their ass in front of a god, granted I didn't know it was you at the time? Who becomes overly fond of a cat I lovingly refer to as the creature in the purple room? Who, besides me-"

"Hang on, hang on," Dionysus interrupted. "Creature in the purple room?"

"Nicci's grandparents have a cat. A fat, calico hairless cat. Named Rosie. And I heart it."

"I didn't know that. Now I'm not sure if even _I_ can get you out of cat lady territory," Eros said.

"But…." she protested with a small whimper.

He looked at her, unable to believe that she was a weepy drunk. "Stop that."

"Ok," she said and shrugged. "When are we going after Coyote? He needs an ass kicking."

Dionysus laughed at her. "My sweet Eliana. You are fooling yourself."

"What? You don't think I could take him?"

"Truthfully? No. After all, this is the trickster god. He's not as easy to beat as you might think."

"I, at least, want to know what the hell's up with the creature in the purple room. That one's just scary."

"I'm not sure even Coyote's responsible for that one," Eros told her. "You're simply not giving you own insanity enough credit."

"Gee, thanks." She stretched and regretted it as the spins got ever so slightly worse. "I think… I need a cookie."

"What is it with you and cookies?" Dionysus asked with a laugh.

"I keep smelling them! Are you sure he's not baking cookies?"

"I'm not baking cookies," Eros assured.

"I am going crazy. It's a whole lot more fun than I thought it would be, what with the hanging out with gods and all. In fact, that's pretty damn cool, as long as you don't think about it too hard." She winced. "Thought about it too hard. Crazy hurts."

Dionysus laughed again. "Poor, poor, Eliana," he said with a cluck and reached over to pat her shoulder.

"So, how am I going to get this bow of yours back. I'm assuming drunken Texas Hold 'Em is out."

"It is," Dionysus agreed.

"And I'm too clumsy to just steal it back. Unless… Eros, why don't you go on a spirit journey with him and I'll sneak it off."

"No."

"Damn. Well, I'm not going on a spirit journey," she said and frowned in thought. "What about ninjas? Do you know any ninjas?"

"No," Eros said firmly with the tone of voice of one wondering how they got themselves into a particularly frustrating mess.

"Any suggestions, Dionysus?" she asked.

"Trade him something."

"But I don't have anything to trade that a god would want."

"Sure you do," Dionysus with a lecherous wink.

"Besides that! And no!"

Eros walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Dionysus, I'll throw you out if you don't stop."

"Touchy as ever, I see," he said. He shook his head vigorously enough to make Eliana feel nauseous in sympathy. "Well, that cleared the blood stream a bit. Time to work on failing the breath-a-lyzer again."

"That's just sick," Eliana said. "And wouldn't you fail the breath-a-lyzer in your natural state?"

"She's got your sense of humor, Eros. You ought to keep her."

"Dionysus, if I were you I'd work on figuring out how to get my bow back, not torturing the mortal."

"I'm not torturing her, am I, lovey?" he asked Eliana.

"A bit. Now, back to plotting. What do I have to trade, besides my penocha."

This time the god of the grape and the mortal girl laughed. "Woo," she said after a moment. "I'm drunker than I thought."

"But not drunk enough, here, have some wine."

"That's a quick way to get me on my knees."

"Wait… on your knees doing what?"

"Pervert!" she snapped with a snort as Eros' grip on her shoulders tightened and he yelled himself, "Dionysus!"

"I can't help myself, cousin. You know how I get around pretty girls," he looked honestly cowed for about two seconds before he was laughing again. "Now then… you're not willing to trade your most obvious and valuable asset."

"I like to think I have more to offer than that," she protested as Eros moved into the chair next to her.

"Well, what else is there?" he asked with a note of defeat in his voice.

"Hey!" she protested.

"That didn't come out as I meant it to."

"Yeah, it did, you're just trying to make me feel better about it now. And I'm not having sex with a god."

Dionysus laughed and laughed at that.

"What's so funny, chipster?"

"Oh, you just looked so earnest about it, with your chin in the air and that little toss of you head."

"I am earnest about it. I'm not having sex with Coyote. Or the rest of you immortals."

"We're not such a bad lot," he said, degenerating into a fit of giggles. "Sometimes, I'm just too funny for myself."

"Whatever, Drunky McDrinksalot."

"If I didn't like you so much, I'd smite you. But as it is, I'd like to do something beside smite you."

"I was serious about throwing you out," Eros said.

"Fine, fine."

"Ninjas are out?" she asked, changing the subject from Dionysus' desire to get into her pants.

"We don't know any ninjas, Ellie," Eros said with a sigh.

"Then what do we do?"

"I could always owe him a favor," Eros said, not looking at all happy about the prospect. "I hate the idea of owing a favor to a god like Coyote, though."

"Out of the question," Eliana said. "I said I would get it back. If you go off and trade for it, then there's no reason for you to hold up your end of our deal. So, I guess I'll owe Coyote the favor."

"I don't think that's a good idea, cutie," Dionysus said. "You obviously don't know much about the Trickster."

"I know enough to know it's one of the worst ideas I've ever had. But I'm more scared of being eaten by cats than the amount of trouble this favor is going to get me in." She stood, stretching carefully so as not to invite back the spins she had finally managed to get rid of. "Anyway. I'll keep thinking on it. An unknown favor will be the last resort. There must be something I could trade…." she trailed off as she started walking out of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Dionysus asked. "The party's just begun!"

"Home. I do have a life besides going on quests for gods."

"I'm hurt," he said, placing one of his hands against his chest.

"Unless you have some great desire to do my Anthropology term paper for me, then I need to get home and finish that. And I'm sure Louisa's worried about me. I've been neglecting her and Annie- they're pretty peeved with me."

"You're all right to get home?" Eros asked. "You're not driving, are you?"

"Now that would've been stupid- I was planning to get the god of the grape drunk. I'll be fine getting home," she assured. "One last time- are you sure you don't have cookies?"

Dionysus laughed, "She wants cookies, Eros. I'd placate her, what with the amount of trouble she's going through to get you bow back."

As he spoke, she began to sway on her feet and stumbled. That prompted a guffaw from Dionysus.

"You should stay here and sober up a bit, girlie."

"I'm fine," she insisted again, grabbing her coat from the back of her chair. "Just 'cause I can't stand still without falling doesn't mean I can't walk back to my apartment."

"I never thought I'd say this, but Dionysus is right," Eros agreed. "Sit back down, I'll go find you some cookies." He picked up his own jacket from a chair back.

"You really don't have to," she said, still standing. "I was serous about having to finish a term paper."

"Sit down, Ellie."

"And if I swear not to fall and break my face?"

"Just sit down."

She plopped back in the chair with a sigh. "I really am ok."

Dionysus patted her shoulder. "Think of it this way, pet, at least you're getting those cookies you wanted."

Eros shook his head as he left them in the kitchen, Dionysus trying to cheer up the still protesting Eliana.

"I really am ok to walk home," he heard her say as he closed the door.


	12. In which there is a drunk mortal and god

Chapter Twelve: In which a drunk mortal is left alone with a drunk god and why that's a bad thing.

Eros was certain he heard singing coming from inside as he unlocked the doors. That worried him. There was really only one explanation- Dionysus had convinced Eliana that another drink of two couldn't hurt.

If she really did end up in front of the toilet for hours then he would be 'pretty peeved' with her himself.

"Wasting away again in Margaritaville," Dionysus' voice came through clear as the door swung open. What was it with him and Jimmy Buffet anyway?

"Dionysus? Eliana?" he called out, hoping to stop Dionysus' wasted singing.

When he walked into the kitchen he found them on the floor, leaning against the cabinets with martini glasses in hand. Eliana was giggling. "They're not margaritas, you tool, they're Mexican Martinis. They're better- less frozen."

"A drink worthy of me, my dear," he said and leaned closer to her, glass raised. "A toast, to Eliana, who had proven to me that tequila is, in fact, not a foul spirit."

"Yo quiero Senor Cuervo," she agreed and they clinked glasses.

"This is pathetic," Eros said loudly to announce his presence.

"Eros, you're home," Eliana said, smiling widely. "Here have a drink," she said and held up the martini glass toward him.

"I thought you had a term paper to finish?"

"Dionysus convinced me to be a bad seed. He'd never had a Mexican Martini before, can you believe it? By the way, you're out of limes."

"I didn't know I had limes."

Dionysus shook his head behind Eliana.

"Oh," he said, catching on and not amused. "Well, that's fine." He wasn't looking at her, instead fixing his cousin with a stare o' death.

"What?" she asked, turning back to Dionysus. "What?" she asked again and then collapsed in a fit of giggles again. "Oh God, I'm drunk." She punctuated the remark by finishing the contents of her glass.

"That's my girl!" Dionysus said happily and ran his hand down the length of his back.

"I think," Eros said, "it's time for Dionysus to go home."

Eliana pouted. "But I'm having fun," she said, not protesting when Dionysus leaned her against him.

"I'm sure you are, but you're not going to like yourself very much in the morning if you don't got to bed now."

"But-"

He stopped, listening to her protests and leaned down and picked her up from the floor. "Come on, Ellie, why don't you lie down for a while." She laughed again and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You think he did this on purpose."

"I know he did."

"I can still hear you, you know," Dionysus protested, struggling to his feet.

"Go home, cousin."

"Let me say good night to Eliana."

"Say good night, Ellie," Eros told her.

"Good night, Ellie!" she said and waved to the god of the grape, much too amused with herself. She dropped her head to Eros' shoulder and continued to laugh softly.

"Do you think you're going to remember any of this tomorrow?" he asked as he waved the door open with a gesture.

"I've never blacked out before," she said and exhaled sharply when he dropped her on the bed. "So, probably."

The god laughed with a small shake of his head. "Then I look forward to your sober reaction to all this in the morning. I'm locking the door behind me. You'll thank me later, I'm sure."

"But-"

"Good night, Ellie."

"But Eros-"

"Good night Ellie," he said again and closed the door.

---

Eliana didn't move much when Eros unlocked the door the next morning. Seeing her prone figure outstretched on his bed was enough to make him laugh. She slept the sleep of the drunk- more passed out cold than anything else.

Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he gently shook her shoulder. She frowned and pulled her arms, which had been thrown over her head in a lazy stretch, down and rolled over, turning her face away from him.

"Ellie," he called and gave her shoulder a more vigorous shake. "Don't you have class?"

That had the effect he'd wanted and she sat up, "Fuck, shit, fuck!"

The movement proved too much though, and she pressed her hands to her face, "Oh god, kill me."

"Not today," he assured, standing up. "Come on, puny mortal. Get up."

She ignored him and flopped back on the bed, covering her eyes with one hand. "I only have two absences in Anthro. And one in Soc."

"Are you saying you're not going to class?" he asked, sitting back down.

"I think I'm still drunk," she moaned and turned on her side again, curling into a ball.

"Now, that's efficient drinking- Dionysus would be proud."

The steady up and down breathing of someone who might be nauseous but wasn't quite sure, faltered and she asked, "I didn't, right?"

"Didn't what?" he asked, knowing it was cruel to torture her but not caring.

"You know damn well."

"You didn't," he said, feeling an inexplicable flash of pity. "But you're a very affectionate drunk."

"Fuck."

"I think that was his plan, yes."

Turning her face toward him, twisting her body in a strange shape as she did so, she grabbed his hand. "Thank you. No, really, thank you."

"Well, I figured you were serious about not fucking gods. Now go back to sleep."

As if receiving the permission she wanted, she closed her eyes and promptly lost consciousness again.

---

When Eliana woke again, she stumbled out of Eros' bed. Shuffling through the house she rather suspected was empty, she called out, "Eros? Dionysus?"

No one answered and her suspicions were confirmed. Shrugging, she staggered more than walked into the bathroom.

After a long hot shower and a good dose of mouthwash, she felt considerably more human. Though being alone in a god's house was still pretty uncomfortable feeling.

She grabbed her coat and started to leave. As she reached for the knob, the front door swung open before her, prompting a shriek.

"Hello to you too, Eliana," Eros greeted.

"Hi," she managed after a moment of trying to catch her breath, one hand held against her chest. "I think I just had seven and a half heart attacks, thanks."

He laughed and patted the top of her head. "Taking off?"

"Yeah. I should, you know, do that paper, now that I'm sober."

He moved aside to let her out. "I'll call you later," he called out to her.

She waved over her shoulder and continued down the sidewalk at a brisk pace.


	13. In which nothing particularly divine

Chapter Thirteen: In which nothing particularly divine happens.

Louisa had left a note on the inside of the door for her just now returning roommate. 'Had to go to Chicago, short notice. I should be back next Wednesday. Call you later.'

Eliana didn't try very hard to figure out what could possible have taken Louisa away, instead just pushing her hair out of her face and sitting in front of her computer. "Fantastic," she said, feeling more than a little guilty for neglecting her friend the way she had.

It turned out that there was only so long that one could stare at the blinking cursor on a blank word processor page. She tried flicking through the pages of her textbook then tried to write an outline long hand. "This is what I get for procrastination," she muttered.

The cat sneezed. Glancing over her shoulder at the giant beast, she said, "Thanks, Jeeves. So glad you agree with me."

The cat stretched across the carpet, spreading his over sized six toed paws in a gesture that Eliana could only describe as, "Take that tone with me a little closer."

Giving up, temporarily, on the paper, she stood and approached the cat. "Jeever, Jeever, Jeeves," she said in what she like to describe as the cat lady voice and rubbed the cat's stomach. He made a 'mrrt' sound and half closed his yes, his squinty left one closing completely.

"Poor Squinty McOne-Eye," she said with a final pat and returned to the computer.

But the cursor remained blinking on the screen, taunting her sorry lack of progress in second long intervals. "Fuck it," she announced to the cat and proceeded to entertain herself on fan fiction dot net, more specifically, Harry Potter slash.

The phone rang and she checked the caller I. D. before answering, "Harry and Draco are so in love."

"You're seriously disturbed, you know that?" Annie responded.

"Anyway. What's up?"

"I got a weird call from Louisa this morning."

"Gotta run off to Chicago?"

"Yeah, that."

"I have no clue. I was too drunk to come home last night, so she left me a message on my voicemail and a note on the door."

"Weird."

"Word. She said she'd call me later, I'll let you know as soon as I hear from her."

"Ok. I'm just worried."

"You and me both, kid. I hate it when she pulls these disappearing acts. But I guess I don't have much room to talk, I've been a pretty neglectful best friend."

"You have," Annie agreed, but didn't sound overly upset. "What's this about 'too drunk to come home'?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, that bet with Eros-"

"Wait, and you stayed the night? What happened to Sparco?"

"Firstly, it wasn't like that. No 'whore of Babylon' like actions were taken. Secondly, we sp'd Marco. I hate him."

"Really?"

"No," she wailed, miserable. "I don't. I wish I did though. God damn, I wish I did. He's stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Hey, Ellie, is he stupid?"

Before she could answer, the call waiting beeped in her ear. "Hang on, I've got another call, let me see who it is." She flashed over to the other line. "Hello?"

"Hey, sweetie," her mother greeted.

"Hi ma!" she said. "I'm on the other line, I'll be right back," she said flashing back to Annie. "Hey, it's mi madre, I'll call you back in a few."

"Right," Annie agreed.

"I'm back," she announced after she returned to her mother. "'Sup?"

"Well, I just wanted to let you in on your dad's plans for Thanksgiving."

"Yeah?"

"He wants to go back to EL Paso to visit his mom."

"That sounds fun. When are ya'll leaving?"

"Next Wednesday. Will you be out of class by then?"

"'Fraid not. I've got Spanish and French that day, and I really can't miss. What time are you guys planning on leaving?"

"Early…." her mother said, sounding sympathetic.

"And there's no way you guys could take an afternoon flight? So I could get there?"

"I'll talk to your father, but I doubt it."

"So, I'll be spending Thanksgiving alone. Fantastic. Well, thanks for calling, Ma," she said, more upset than she probably should have been.

"What if we send you the money, Ellie?"

"Forget it Mater, I'll just stay in town. I'll drive out to Santa Clara when you guys get back, see you while we're still on holiday."

"Ok, honey. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Sure I mind that I can't spend Thanksgiving with ya'll, but I can't come up with a way to make it work, I wouldn't be able to get out there in time and the chance of me getting a flight out of here so close… well. You know."

"Sorry, mija."

"It's ok, really. Look, I've got to run, I'm trying to get a paper done."

"All right. We'll see you afterward, ok?"

"Yeah, Mater. Ciao!"

Feeling sorry for herself, she picked up Jeeves, cuddling him against her chest. "I'm lame and full of angst, Jeeves," she murmured against his black and white fur. "You know what? I'm going to be really self indulgent and allow myself a day of teenie angst."

She dropped the cat and went about creating the perfect atmosphere for her teenage melodrama: The Dresden Dolls on the CD player, pjs on and Little Debbie snack cakes in her lap. The phone rang and she winced. She was supposed to call Annie back. Eliana, however, had no desire for human interaction. All she really wanted was to sit alone, in the dark here, with her depression, her cat and her snack cakes.

"I want a coin operated boy," she answered, assuming it was Annie.

"Well, that's nice, Eliana. I'll be sure to remember that for future reference," Marco said.

She perked up in her chair, turning down the stereo. "Oh. It's you."

"I did say that I would call."

"Yeah, I know. It's just been an… odd few days," she said and as she spoke she felt herself smile a stupid 'I'm so in love' smile. She considered slapping herself across the face, but instead said happily, "So, how are you?"

There was a pause as he seemed to consider. "I can't come to you friend's concert tonight."

"What?" she asked, forgetting all about the part where Louisa had disappeared and it was probably cancelled anyway. "Why not."

"I forgot that I promised my… friend that I'd hang out with her tonight."

Through sheer power of will she kept from shrieking, 'You mean your girlfriend!' Aloud she managed, "Well, at least you called this time. I'll talk to you later-"

"Wait! What does that mean?"

"Listen to the drunk message I left on your phone last night and put two and two together, Marco."

"That was you?"

"A friend and I had too many Mexican Martinis. I really do have to go.

"Bye," he said shortly.

When she dropped the phone in her lap her head went down with it. "I hate my life."

Jeeves the cat made a sympathetic mrrrt noise and rubbed himself against her legs. "There's nothing to do for it, Jeeves. I'm doomed. Doomed as can be. At least being a crazy cat lady won't be so bad, if I can have cool pirate cats like you."

She tried to tell herself that a boy hadn't just made her cry, but the fact of the matter was that there were tears on her face, plain as day.


	14. In which the gods return

Chapter Fourteen: In which the gods return.

Eliana remained curled in her chair the rest of the day, occasionally doing things like putting 'Missed Me' on repeat and cursing the day she had ever met Marco.

When the phone rang again she threw it across the room, not wanting to talk to whoever it was. She didn't think too much of her outburst until, about fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

Before she could contemplate rising to answer it, it swung open and Eros stood with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Stop sulking."

"I can sulk if I damn well feel like it," she said defiantly. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"I called you, like I said I would. You got angry and threw the phone across the room. You were too busy wallowing in self pity over Marco to want to talk to anyone."

She blinked once or twice, staring at him. "How the hell-"

"Deity, remember. And seeing that I was the one that pushed you and Marco together, who did you expect to hear your curses about him. By the way, I've decided that you really do use the word asshat too much.

"There's no such thing as using the word asshat too much."

He didn't bother arguing with her, instead handing her a package of Milanos. "Here are your cookies."

"Exactly what I needed," she said and tore upon the package. "So, what's so important that you had to come over?"

"There is the matter of my bow. But if you're too busy eating your feelings, I can come back another time," he said, sounding as though there was no way he'd accept 'too busy eating my feelings' as an excuse.

She considered her options at this point. She could say no to the god and continue her angsting, agree to his company, whatever the hell he wanted. Neither was very appealing.

"Get dressed," he ordered. "You're going out. And call Annie back, she's been waiting for you to all day."

"Yes, mom."

"Don't blame me for that either. It's not my fault that your father is incapable of planning a family vacation. And if you were that upset by it, why didn't you say so? Something probably could've been arranged."

She laughed, "That sentence alone is proof that you've never met Pater."

"I find it incredibly hilarious that you refer to your father as 'pater'."

"You should know by now that I'm a classics geek. Who else would put up with the misadventures of gods?"

"You'd be surprised." He held his hand down to her. "Come on, get out of that chair."

"No."

"Eliana," he said, laying on the divinity rather thickly. To his surprise, it didn't phase her.

"Fine," she said, not taking the proffered hand to stand up. "You are so needy. Worse than the cat," she muttered to herself, more than said to him, shuffling off to her bedroom in the apartment to get dressed.

As if responding to some sort of cue, Jeeves rubbed against the god's legs. "Er, hello?" Eros said down to the creature. When he reached down to pet the cat he earned a swat and a hiss for his efforts.

"Why you-"

"Touch my cat and we'll see how immortal you really are," Eliana said, poking her head out of the door. "Did he use his claws?"

"No."

"Then he likes you and I don't know why you're complaining."

"You have interesting taste in companions, Ellie."

"Been looking in the mirror lately, Cupid?"

She closed the door again before he could respond. A few moments later, she re-emerged, no longer in her pajamas, instead back in usual black skirt and white oxford.

Eros couldn't help but tease, "Ever consider adding color to your wardrobe?"

Apparently not in the mood, she flicked him off before pulling a pair of bright pink heels on. "Better?"

"I'm not sure."

"Serves you right for mocking. Now, where are we going?"

"Monterey."

"We are not," she said with a childish stamp of her foot. "Firstly, I still have class tomorrow, and I fully intend on going, even if I gave into Dionysus' tempting last night. Secondly, I still don't have anything to trade for your bow. Don't make me owe him sex or some other favor just because you're impatient."

"You have a point," he said, searching for a place to sit down that wasn't occupied by the cat or a plethora of snack cake wrappers.

Eliana began moving cellophane wrappers into the trash, still munching on her Milanos. "So, try again. I'm dressed why?"

He winced, "To murder the English language, apparently."

Collapsing again in her chair, she looked at him, rather un-amused and adjusted her glasses on her face. "You're just trying to buy time, before I get angry at you."

"Judging by the amount of times you called me an asshat, among other things, tonight, you're already angry.""

"That doesn't count 'cause I didn't think you could hear me. And have we learned our lesson about mucking around in my love life without knowing what you're doing? I mean, if you were so aware of my goings on tonight, don't you think you've picked up on the fact that Marco had a girlfriend?"

"Has he admitted to you that he has a girlfriend?"

"No."

"I rest my case."

She threw a cookie at him and it bounced off of his chest. "That was the lamest excuse ever."

He brushed crumbs off of his shirt and perched on the arm of the couch, shooting a wary look at the cat.

"Jeeves," she called.

"What?"

The cat jumped down from the couch with a scornful look over his shoulder and leapt into Eliana's lap. "Oh, man, Jeeves, too much love. Now I'm going to be covered in fur, I hope you're happy," she scolded.

Eros moved from the uncomfortable arm but didn't sit again, instead standing and holding his had down to her again. "Come along, Eliana."

"You still haven't said where-" she protested but he ignored her, seizing her hand and pulling her to her feet. Jeeves fell more than jumped from her lap and ran ff with another hiss. "He doesn't like you anymore."

"I think I'll live. Let's go," he said, leading her out of the dark apartment. "This just isn't good for you."

"Like you know what's good for me," she retorted.

"How old are you?" he exclaimed mockingly. "Thirteen?"

"Shut the fuck up," she said with a toss of her head. She started to lock the door behind her but he stopped her, saying, "It was never unlocked."

"Gods are creepy, you know that? It's no wonder your bow was stolen."

"I doubt Coyote had to use any of his divine ability to get it away from Dionysus. He's not exactly, you know…."

"Sober? Ever? No, really, ever?" she supplied.

"Yes, that," he agreed with a smirk and took her by the arm, leading her outside.

"Please tell my you have a cigarette for me?" she asked as they walked, arm in arm, down the sidewalk.

"When have I ever disappointed you?" he asked, producing a pack from his pocket and handing her one.

"Honestly?"

"No. Lie."

"You've never disappointed me, Eros," she said, kicking her voice up a few notches and pasting a falsely cheery smile on her face. She punctuated the remark with an air headed giggle and he rolled his eyes.

"Just for that, you're on your own for a lighter."

"You already gave me one of those," she said, and produced it from her purse.

"How is you broken ass, by they way?"

She coughed as she inhaled the first drag and glared at him spitefully. "We don't talk about that, thanks," she said, holding her jacket tighter around her.

"Oh, I see," he said, not bothering to hide his amusement.

"Ok, I keep asking and you keep not answering: where are we going?"

"Baldoria. I figured you deserved a treat for being so patient with all of this."

"I'm hardly dressed for it," she protested, looking down at herself. Her jaw dropped when she took in her appearance.

"Now, what are you talking about? You look lovely," he said with a laugh.

Miraculously, her clothes had been replaced with a slinky black dress. She opened her jacket a bit more and then closed her eyes. "Ok," she managed after a minute. "Right. Well at least I got a news dress out of this deal," she said and shivered.

He chuckled and said, "Don't forget never being the crazy cat lady."

"I'm not getting my hopes up yet, I still don't have anything to trade." She shivered again, "Think we could take the streetcar or something, I'm freezing."

"We're almost there," he said, slipping out of his overcoat and handing it to her.

"Thanks," she said, shrugging into it with relief. Jamming her hands into the pockets she went on, "I haven't exactly been in top form today, but I still can't come up with anything." She paused and smacked her hand against her forehead. "Of course, how did I not think of that?"

"What are you…" he started after the loud smack "What have you come up with?"

"From what I remember he's super entertained by the failings of us humans, right?"

"That's right," he agreed, grabbing her arm and led her around a corner.

"I have more than a few great failings," she said.

"You're not being forthcoming on purpose."

She laughed. "Damn skippy. How do you like it?"

He merely raised one eyebrow. "You are aware I could simply look in your head."

"No you can't."

"I'm sorry?"

"The intellect is not your domain, the heart is. There's no reason you'd be able to see what I was thinking."

To Eros' own surprise, he laughed. "You called my bluff,' he said, impressed. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around." He led her around another corner and she could see a brightly lit restaurant just ahead.

"Now, what's this plan of yours?"

"Still not telling."

"It's my bow you're trying to win."

"It's my carcass the cats will eat."

"Touché. No more talk of business," he said as he opened the door for her. He helped her out of the coat and checked it in before walking up to the maitre d'.

"What else could you possibly be interested in?" she asked with a laugh. He held up his hand in a gesture for her to wait.

"Mr. Smith," the maitre d' greeted. "Right this way, please," he said leaning them through to a back booth.

Settling at the table 'Mr. Smith' reviewed the wine list as the steward made his way over.

"I take it Mr. Smith dines here quite often." Eliana teased, slipping out of her lighter jacket. Before the god could say anything the steward came and took his order.

"Yes, Mr. Smith comes here quite often. I do like to have my whims indulged. Eliana, I thought you would've picked up on that by now."

"This isn't true," she admitted. "You, once again, haven't answered my question."

"What else could I be interested in?" He flashed her a rare grin. "Let's talk about those great failings of yours."

"That counts as part of the deal, Eros, and you said not tonight," she said with a smile, tilting her head to one side.

"Remind me why I put up with your impertinence?"

"I believe it has something to do with you making my life miserable."

There was a long pause and then he said with his own sly smile, "So, let's talk about those great failings of yours."


	15. In which plans are laid

Chapter Fifteen: In which plans are laid.

Annie was more than a little suspicious of her boyfriend, Michael. He wasn't the sort to keep secrets well; not only did she usually know that he was up to something, but she knew what it was.

He was up to something. All the skulking around and calling of her friends while she was at work… it wasn't normal Michael behavior.

That their anniversary was coming up gave her pretty good idea of what he was planning. The not so subtle, 'so what's you're favorite kind of cake?' question and it's ilk were also a rather large clue.

He was planning a party. Though why he wouldn't mention it, she had no clue. Despite finding the engagement ring receipt in his pocket, he still waffled every time she brought up the idea of marriage. She called Eliana, maybe in her guilt over her absentmindedness she would let some answer slip.

"Hey Ellie," she greeted when the other girl answered the phone. "What are you up to today?"

"Not a whole lot," she answered. "Why?"

"I was just wondering if you want to grab a cup of coffee."

"Sounds good. I'll meet you in about five, ok?"

"See you."

Eliana was waiting outside on the covered patio when Annie arrived, taking advantage of the brief respite from the near constant drizzle. She waved in greeting but didn't stand.

Annie settled in the chair across from her. "Aren't you frozen?"

"Well, cha. But I can't go inside with this," she said and held up the cigarette in her hand.

"Right."

There was a long pause before Ellie pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and said, "You're mad at me."

"You did kind of disappear for the past few days and you lost Louisa."

"I had angst. But I think I'm better now."

"Good." Annie decided that Ellie looked suitably guilty and went on, "What is Michael planning for our engagement?"

Eliana was appropriately flummoxed. "Uh… I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

"Well, he wants to make you dinner," she said at last.

Annie raised her eyebrows. "And?"

"I think Nicci's making you a cake, she's been on that baking kick."

"What else?"

"I don't know," she said firmly.

Annie looked at her, disbelieving. "Really?"

"Really. Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Michael's working hard to plan a nice evening for you and you shouldn't ruin his fun."

"I'm just getting twitchy. We've been together four years now. I want to get married."

The other girl coughed. "Have you mentioned this to him? 'Cause it seems like something he should know, not me."

"I have. And he avoids the subject entirely." She sighed, resting her chin on her hands. "But, I don't know…. I'm just so anxious. Does he want to marry me? Or is this just prolonged shacking up."

Eliana frowned. Annie's worries over her relationship and where it was going came too quick on the heels of her own romantic misery.

"I'm not sure what to tell you, honey. I really don't think Michael's not taking your relationship seriously. After all, you've only just graduated, you've only just gotten a job… maybe he wants to wait until you're both a little more settled in your adult lives. Hell, what am I saying, you've said these exact things yourself- have you forgotten already?"

"I know! But I want to hear it from him; if I did then I wouldn't worry so much. But he doesn't say any of that to me, not directly. I feel like I'm describing his behavior to make me feel better. All he actually says is, 'not yet', if anything at all, every time I mention putting a ring on my finger."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Eliana asked.

Annie considered this, "Would you mind? I know it's sort of a weird thing to ask, but I don't know what to do at this point."

"Of course I wouldn't mind," she said, grinding out her cigarette in the ashtray. "I'm frozen," she said, changing the subject. "Let's go inside."

Both girls were shivering as the entered the coffee house. Eros waved in a reluctant sort of was from his corner table. "Are we still in best friend mode, or do you want to be social?" Eliana asked.

"We can be social," Annie said. Ellie waved back at the god while they stood in line.

One mocha latte and hot chai later, they made their was to the table. "Hey, Eros," Eliana greeted as she slid into the chair next to him."

"You left your cannoli in the cab last night, I put it in my fridge."

"Well, now you won't have to run out and buy me cookies next time I crave sugary goodness," she said with a laugh. "You've met Annie, right?"

"I don't think we have, actually," he said and extended his hand toward her. "Eros. Eliana speaks well of you."

"I'm glad," Annie said, taking his hand briefly.

"Please sit," he said with a wave of his hand and she finally did. "What are you drinking, Ellie? It smells delightful."

"Chai," she said and handed him the glass mug. "Taste it, it's the stuff of the gods," she said and laughed, prompting Annie to look at her oddly.

"In that case," he said with a smirk and sipped from the glass carefully. "Not bad," he commented, handing it back to her.

"You should try frozen chai when it's warm out again," Annie said. "I like it better than the hot."

"'Cause you're crazy!" Eliana teased.

Eros ignored her, looking at Annie. "So, tell me about yourself."

"Like what?"

"What do you do? Are you at school with Eliana?"

"No, I just graduated actually. Now I'm a paper pusher with the state, saving up money for grad school."

"Oh?" he prompted, interested. "What will you be studying?"

"I graduated in philosophy, so I'll be continuing with that."

"What do you plan to focus on?"

"I haven't really decided yet. I tried to keep my undergraduate work as well rounded as possible."

"Everything from the Buddha to Alice in Wonderland," Eliana interjected.

"Hush," he told her with an impatient wave of his hand, not looking at her. She subsided with an exaggerated eye roll, wrapping both her still cold hands around her hot glass.

"I'm not sure what I'll do," Annie admitted. "I'm sort of waiting to see where life takes me," she said with a laugh.

He smiled at her kindly. Ellie stared at him as if she'd never seen such a thing before.

Annie stood suddenly, saying, "Sorry to run away again, but-"

"Go," he said and made a ridiculous looking shooing gesture.

"See you, Ellie," she said and left abruptly.

"What the hell was that about?" Eliana demanded once Annie was out of earshot.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"That… look you gave her."

"She was upset about her boyfriend, wasn't she?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"That's well within my power to fix. They have an anniversary coming up, don't they?"

"Yeah, the 20th."

"Expect an engagement party shortly after."

Eliana stared at him. "Dude."

"It's nothing," he said with a shrug.

She disagreed, "Michael's been quibbling about putting the damn ring on her finger for months now. Yeah, it's something."

"They're in love," he said off hand.

"Of course they are, but is it that easy?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

She stopped badgering and leaned back in her chair, thinking. She didn't ask the question on her mind and he didn't volunteer an answer.

"Good job," she said at last, pretending her own difficulties didn't exist.

"Thank you." He considered her a moment before patting her hand. "Go home, Eliana, before it really starts raining."

Nodding, she stood. "We can leave Wednesday," she said before turning to leave.

The skies opened the moment she was on the sidewalk. "Dammit," she muttered before starting on her walk home.


	16. In which there is a small crisis

Chapter Sixteen: In which there is a small crisis.

Eliana woke that Friday morning and realized that she was unhappy.

"This isn't a good time for a period of self doubt, Jeeves," she told the cat sitting on her nightstand. She pulled her comforter over her head and face. "Shit!"

The cat merely closed his eyes and pretended that there wasn't a personal crisis happening mere inches from him. Cats are very good about things like that. After a moment she threw back the blankets and got up, stumbling into the small office and sitting at the computer.

As she preoccupied herself finishing her transfer application to Santa Clara- the university she had been destined for since adolescence- the phone rang. Despite herself she was glad for the distraction.

"Hello?"

"Good morning, Ellie," Louisa said in her normal too quiet for the phone voice.

"Hey! What the hell's up?" she asked, turning away from the monitor and forgetting the application almost immediately.

"Not much, not much. I'm out here with my mom. My aunt has cancer."

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's all right. I just wanted to let you know I won't be back until December, my mom wants to stay here."

"How-" she started to ask, but Louisa cut her off.

"I have to go, sorry. I'll talk to you later and could you pass this on to Annie?"

"Not a problem. Take care, sweetie."

"Bye."

Putting down the phone she glanced back at the computer. Slowly, almost carefully, she clicked the URL box and typed a new address.

She stared at the opening page for NYU's site. With a deep and shaking breath, she started a transfer application, printing out the essay prompt before closing the browser and getting up to get dressed.

Later, as she walked away from the registrar's office at CCSF, she giggled. Glancing at the time on her cell phone she saw it was 12:30 and that meant Annie was on her lunch break. She dialed and greeted the other girl with an enthusiastic, "Hey! Real quick, Louisa called. She's fine, but her aunt has cancer and she and her mom are going to be staying in Chicago for a while."

"Oh. Ok. Thanks for calling me."

"No problem. I gotta run, I'm out on errands."

"Right. Later."

She started to drop her phone back in her purse but thought better of it, instead dialing another number. A familiar voice greeted her, "Hello?"

"Hi Sam, it's Eliana."

"Ellie! It's been forever.

There were a few things more awkward than calling an ex boyfriend for favors but Eliana was pressed to come up with one at the moment. "I know," she answered. "Weird question: do you think you could help me out getting a job and place?"

"Whoa… So now you're coming to Europe to find yourself?"

She laughed saying, "Not exactly," but quickly fell quiet.

"Are you doing alright over there, Ellie?"

She answered honestly, "I really can't say, Sam. I seem to have had an epiphany this morning."

He remained silent a moment. "I… uh, do you want to talk about it?"

She laughed, "I wouldn't put you through that torture."

"I'll make some phone calls. I'll be in touch."

"Thanks. I owe you big."

She caught the streetcar back to her apartment. Smoking a cigarette on the porch, enjoying the numbing cold on her bare face and hands, she realized she didn't want to spend the day alone and started toward Eros' house.

He didn't answer when she knocked so she sat on the stoop, lighting another cigarette and pulling on the headphones of her iPod.

She was wrapped up in a bubble of doubt and The Shivers when Eros walked up. He stopped in front of her and she looked up, saying quietly, "Hey," as she pulled off her headphones.

"What are you doing here?"

"Long story. Mind spending the rest of the day with me?"

He raised his eyebrows and sat next to her on the stoop. "Of course not," he said after lighting his own cigarette. "What's on your mind?"

"I don't want to think about it. Distract me?"

Smirking, he asked, "What's your plan for Coyote?"

"Public humiliation."

"I'm not following."

She sighed as though it was a very simple concept and he was being purposefully dense.

"I'm going to trade my abject embarrassment for your bow."

Eros glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "You're serious about getting the bow back, aren't you."

"I'm serious about not wandering around screeching unintelligibly and chucking cats at people from the collection in my overcoat, yes."

"What?" He asked, more than a little confused.

"Don't you watch the Simpsons?"

He stared at her blankly for a minute before laughing. "Come inside and have your cannoli," he said, changing the subject and stood.

"I like that plan."


	17. In which there is a roadtrip

Chapter Seventeen: In which there is a road trip.

Eliana held Jeeves up in front of her, saying, "Look at this face, Eros. How can you say no to this face?"

The squinty-eyed cat sneezed at him.

"No, Eliana. You can't bring your cat."

"But he'll miss me!" she protested, hugging the cat to her chest. He purred loudly.

"Giant six toed cat beasts aren't allowed in my car, sorry."

"Fine. Then we have to stop by Annie's."

"Fine. Get your suitcase. Suitcases," he corrected himself. "We're only going to Monterey."

"I had to bring options," she said awkwardly picking up the suit bag and slinging the strap over her shoulder. She hadn't put down Jeeves, instead juggling the cat from arm to arm. He didn't look too pleased by the process; Eros felt a moment of empathy with the cat and reached out to pet him.

Jeeves stared his had as if saying, are you sure you want to do that?

The moment of empathy passed quickly. Eros turned to pick up Ellie's second suitcase. "Options?" he asked. "How many oxfords and skirts do you own?"

"Shut up."

"Come along, Ellie," he said, herding her out of the apartment.

He opened the trunk for her, dropping the suitcase in that he carried. She handed him the giant cat and he found himself holding onto an irritable Jeeves. "What do you feed this thing, Eliana?" he asked, surprised at the weight.

"Human growth hormone, obviously. That's why he has thumbs."

Jeeves was displaying his sixth toe with pride, gripping the sleeve of Eros' jacket.

She dropped her suit bag in and started to close the trunk but stopped. "What's that?" she asked, peering as something golden pushed toward the back

"That would be what's called a quiver and in it are what are called arrows."

"That's what I thought," she said with a little shake of her head and shut the trunk.

Eros was impressed with Jeeves' behavior in the car: he simply took a nap in Ellie's lap giving her a most attractive layer of cat hair on her clothes.

He was about to reconsider the rule against cats on road trips when Jeeves belched. There was no way he was spending any amount of time in the car with a burping cat.

"Good job, Jeeves," Eliana said, poking the half asleep creature. "Now he's really not going to let you come with us."

Eros laughed, "You're definitely right about that one."

Eliana smiled at him and he returned his attention to the road. It was only a few blocks to Annie and Michael's shared apartment but it had started to drizzle again.

He pulled to the front of the building and Eliana hopped out, hugging the cat to her chest. "I'll wait here," he managed to get out before she closed the door.

She returned about five minutes later, sans Jeeves, plus an expression of extreme impatience. "I couldn't get her to shut up about the fucking ring the entire time I was there."

He chuckled as he put the car into gear and started off for he 101.

"When's the party?"

"The first. And Nicci was there."

"Oh?" he prompted. She didn't look pleased.

"She and Jason are getting married the day after.

At Annie and Eliana's shared birthday party they had met a gaggle of boys. Eliana, in all her drunken genius, had cackled a little too loudly when one, Jason as it turned out, announced, "No more beer for you, you're getting weepy," to one of his friends. Thus attracting their attention they invited them along for the rest of the evening.

Jason and Nicci had hit it off, Nicci dumped her fiancé, started dating Jason and now they were apparently engaged.

"So, now I'm alone," she said. "Eliana the perpetually single girl."

He smirked but didn't otherwise respond.

"You're laughing at me."

"Yes, I am," he didn't bother to deny. "You're being ridiculous."

"Fuck off," she said and proceeded to stare out of the window, sulking.

"Be a nice girl and put some music on?" he asked.

She glared at him before feeding a CD from her case into the player.

"Who is this?" he asked when the soloist began.

"Alexi Murdoch," she answered before returning to her sulking.

"Not a bad guitarist" he commented in a vain attempt to perk her up.

She didn't respond, still staring out of the window. "Eliana," he prodded.

"Hmm?"

He glanced over at her. "You all right there, mortal?"

"I guess so. I don't know. The past few days have been too weird for words."

With effort he continued, "What's bothering you?"

"You don't care."

"Not really, but tell me anyway."

She laughed. "At least you're honest."

"That's better than at most I'm honest. Besides, you pretended to care to listen to my prattling. I'll just be returning the favor."

"Good point. I'm just sort of in a quandary."

"Uh huh," he prompted when she stopped again.

"I woke up Friday and realized I was unhappy."

He couldn't help but laugh as he asked, "Do you enjoy being depressed? Is it one of your favorite past times?"

"I'd have to say no," she replied. "Thanks for making me feel like a complete tool."

"Ok, I'm pretending I care again- what are you unhappy about?"

"School. Family. The lack of attention from… anyone."

"You whiny little-" he started accidentally. He shrugged when she glared at him. "Forget I said that. Please continue."

"I don't want to go to Santa Clara."

"Then don't go."

"But-"

"If you don't want to go there, then go somewhere else. There, problem one solved. What's next?"

"I'm tired of school, in general. I don't think I can another two years of the same shit without going crazy."

"So take a semester off."

"But-"

"If you're tired of it, then take a vacation. Second problem solved," he said proudly. "Keep going."

"How am I going to tell my parents? It was bad enough telling them I was moving here."

"Pretend it's a Roseanne episode. Just tell yourself that dysfunctionality is funny and keep a laugh track going in your head. It'll be fine."

"That's… actually one of the best ideas I've ever heard."

He continued, "And as far as being alone goes, we'll take care of that once you get my bow back."

"How?"

"What do you mean how? I'll find you someone, that's how."

"What if I don't want someone new?" The moment the words were out of her mouth she slapped her palm to her forehead.

He frowned in confusion. "Marco? Eliana, please. It was a good idea when I first pushed you two together, but now?"

"I know!" she said miserably. "He's an asshat. Let's just pretend I didn't say that, ok?"

Eros reached over and patted the top of her head. "You're asking me to pretend a lot of things."

"Fuck you, Eros."

He chuckled and she couldn't help but smile herself. She visibly relaxed, leaning back against the car seat. "I think we need something happier and more road trip-y."

"Oh good. I didn't want to say anything, you would've gotten angry with me."

"Why should my being angry at you be any sort of problem?" she asked with a snort, feeding a new CD into the stereo.

"I am confined in a small space with you. I don't want to listen to your unintelligible shrieking."

"At least you didn't let me bring Jeeves, then I would've been chucking cats too."

He changed the subject when the new music caught his attention, "Is this-"

"William Shatner singing Common People? Why yes, yes it is."

"No," he said, moving to hit eject.

"Wait, just give it a try-"

"William Shatner does not sing in my car. If you ask me, William Shatner doesn't sing period."

"And we… dance and… drink and… screw… 'cause there's nothing else to …do-"

He ejected the CD. "Something else, Ellie, and if you ever do that to me again I'll be very upset," he threatened.

"You're no fun," she said. "Do you have a problem with David Bowie?"

"No."

"Ok then," she said and fed the new CD in. She pulled her knees up, turning sideways in the seat and leaning against him. "Tell me something interesting."

"You use the same shampoo as Aphrodite."

"Really?"

"Smells like it."

"I don't know why you make fun of my inability to talk to my parents. Like your relationship with your mom is in anyway functional.

"My mother and I get along just fine," he said bitterly.

"Ooo, familial tension…."

"There's no tension," he said with a sneer.

"Then why does my talking about Aphrodite make you twitchy?"

"I'm not twitchy," he denied forcefully.

"Somebody has mother issues…" she said in a sing-song voice. Laughing she tilted her head back to look at him. "You are angry," she noted with surprised.

Glancing over at her he denied with, "I'm not angry."

"You're lying. The baby Jesus cries when you lie."

"Don't push your silly Christian dogma on me, it irritates me."

"You're always irritated…. For the god of love, you're damn surly. So, tell me, why do you hate your mom?"

"I don't hate my mother. My mother is a lovely goddess."

"Ok, I didn't buy even a tenth of that, try again."

"My. Mother. Is. A. Lovely. Goddess," repeated slowly and with effort.

"Sorry, still don't believe you."

"Stop this Freudian nonsense!" he snapped then swerved as a flash of blinding light emanated from the back seat accompanied by the sounds of doves in flight. Regaining control of the car he said through gritted teeth, "Hello, Mother. Think you could turn off the rose perfume, you know it makes me sneeze."

Eliana twisted in an improbable position in the seat to stare at the goddess behind her. "Whoa," was about all she could manage.

Aphrodite, in all her divine beauty, laughed gaily. "Why Eros, you don't sound happy to see me."

"I nearly ran us off of the road, of course I'm displeased."

"What happened to my sweet boy," she cooed, petting his dark hair. You've been spending too much time cavorting with mortals… I told you that was a bad idea." At that she finally looked at Eliana, her gaze icy.

"Uh-"

"What are you doing with _my_ son? I don't like it when girls like you upset him."

"We…" she stammered out. "We're going to Monterey."

"Mother, please."

"I'm just showing concern," she pouted. "Why shouldn't I be protective of my dearest son?"

"Because I can take care of myself and have been doing so since emerging from Kaos."

"You're being hurtful on purpose- I'm your mother."

"I'm well aware of that, thank you. If you please?"

"Fine," she said sulkily crossing her arms over her chest. "Go on your silly quest with your silly mortal. See if I care.

"I know you don't," he said, glancing at her in the rear view mirror.

"That's not fair! You're the one that stopped seeing me. I've tried to stay connected with you but you won't have any of it. We used to be so close…."

"Aphrodite."

"Don't be so disrespectful, Eros," she said and Ellie could swear the temperature in the car dropped twenty degrees.

He sighed. "Mother. Please."

With a sniffle, the goddess disappeared, this time with no fanfare.

"Happy?" he asked.

"No offense, but bitch crazy." After she said it a disembodied shriek tore through the car.

"Mother!" Eros snapped. "Go away!"

"Fuck me, I'm cursed now, aren't I?"

The god chuckled. "No, you're not. Even she can't curse one of my followers."

"Thank god," she said then paused. "By which I apparently mean you."

"Are you ever going to try and psychoanalyze me again?"

"Hells naw."

"Good."

* * *

**AN:** Sorry about the lack of updates. To be completely honest, I totally forgot about this thing. and I feel really bad about that. But I promise to try to be better and hopefully it'll stick this time. I hate the fact that I only remember to update when someone reminds me. Nurrrr.

That said, thanks for the feedback. It really makes me happy that ya'll are willing to stick with me and seem to enjoying this.


	18. In which a deal is struck

Chapter Eighteen: In which a deal is struck.

Coyote was taking a long pull from a bottle of Dos Equis when the god and his mortal walked into the bar.

"Do you gods have sort of spidey sense about each other?" Eliana asked.

The trim, dark skinned man stood and looked at them, his yellow eyes glowing in the dim light. "You could say that," he said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his worn jeans. He nodded in greeting. "Eros."

The girl's mouth fell open. "Uh… you're Coyote then?"

The Trickster grinned at her, looking every inch the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing. "Right in one, Ellie."

"Have we met?" she asked.

"You're dad and I go way back."

"Oh. Well," she began, visibly steeling herself. She glanced at Eros, but he was staring oddly at the other god. Finally, she stepped closer to the coyote and said, "I've come to make a trade."

Coyote's dark brows rose. "Really now? Are you sure you know what you're getting into? Your god can't nullify whatever fair contract we enter into if you happen to change your mind, you know."

"I know."

"Then let's do business."

"I've come for Eros' bow," she said, more than a little dramatically.

Coyote snorted and said, "I figured that part out, kid. Tell me what I get."

"My public humiliation, the circumstances of which are entirely in your hands."

He grinned again and laughed. "Nice. Nice. You knew what I'd like. Letting me choose is a good touch, too."

She couldn't help but smile and said, "Leaving it in the control of those who know what they're doing always seemed like the smart thing to me."

"I'm not sure if you'll walk away still thinking that."

"I'm taking that risk."

He considered her a moment, looking he up and down for a long time, like an artist examining his model. "Eros' bow for your karaoke performance."

Eliana blanched but agreed, "Ok."

He extended his brown hand and they shook on it. "This is as binding as if- "

"As if it were written, yeah, I know," she said. With a shaky smile she went on, "Where's Dionysus when you need him?"

Coyote laughed and returned behind the bar, cracking open another beer for himself and then one for Eliana. When she reached for it, however, he held it back, saying, "In exchange for telling me about your quest."

"Fair enough," she agreed, perching on a bar stool, legs dangling in the air. After taking a deep pull, she said, "It started in my favorite coffee shop."

The bar picked up considerably as the evening wore on. After a certain point, Coyote cut her off, saying, "I want you to have your wits about you."

"Thanks," she said sarcastically. "Feeling the love."

"Time to turn on the karaoke machine," the bar's owner told him.

Coyote wiped his hands dry on a dishtowel before walking to the stage, winking at Eliana as he passed by her.

"Dude. Why didn't you tell me that Coyote was a hottie?" she hissed at Eros.

The other god covered his face with his hands before saying, "Eliana," in the tone of exasperation she had grown used to hearing from her mother. Perhaps wisely she didn't mention that, having decided that mothers were an off limit topic in general. The last thing she ever wanted to happen was have a shrieky Aphrodite show up again.

Coyote returned and handed her a well worn binder. Pick your song, you'll be up first-" he paused as an apparent regular got on stage. "Second," he corrected himself. "I forgot about Darren."

Darren was a tall man with long brown hair held away from his face in a loose ponytail with dark framed glasses. As he stood, waiting for the video to start, there were several shouts of encouragement. He grinned and waved at his apparent fans.

Tunelessly he sag, "Don't be so quick to walk away

Dance with me…."

Ellie whispered in Eros' ear, "is he aware that he's the absolute antithesis of Justin Timberlake?"

"Apparently not," he replied as Darren tried his hand at moon walking across the stage. He tripped over the monitor's cord to the delight of the watching barflies. Knowing his place he bowed before continuing, "I wanna rock your body…."

Eliana couldn't help but giggle as she flipped through the binder.

"Decided on a song?" Coyote asked.

"Ya'll don't have 'The Yellow Rose of Texas'," she said with a pout.

"We are in California," he said simply.

"This one, then," she said, pointing. He read it at least three times before looking up at her.

"If that's the case, then you'll need this," he said and poured a shot of Jack Daniels on the rocks. "And this," he handed her a cigarette. "Need a light?

"Got one, thanks," she said and held up the cheap plastic Bic Eros had given her on the fateful day she'd broken her ass on the pavement.

Darren was finally done and Coyote shooed her toward the stage with a gesture.

With more than a little trepidation she made her way up the stairs and stood to a smattering of applause.

"Cats. Death. Munchy-munchy," she said to herself, waiting for the video to start. "Munchy, munchy, munchy- I have a very good reason to do this." She lit the cigarette and sipped the whiskey, trying to settle her nerves.

The words appeared on the screen and she sat n the solitary wooden stool, cigarette smoke curling lazily in front of her face. "_She packed my bags…last night, Pre-flight Zero hour_

_"Nine a.m. and I'm gonna be_," she paused taking a deep drag and then spoke the next line as she exhaled the smoke from her lungs, "_high… as a kite… by then_."

Thankful for the lights in her eyes she made it through the song, going through the motions set by Captain Kirk himself- slipping out of her blazer, unbuttoning the top button of her shirt, rolling up her sleeves.

When all was said and done, she tossed back the rest of the J. D., picked up her jacket and walked off of the stage to more enthusiastic applause, apparently led by Darren, easily the loudest.

Returning to the bar, she spotted Coyote clapping slowly and much too loudly for her taste. It struck her as sarcasm. "Well done, kid."

"I want to shoot myself in the face," was all she said, dropping her face down on the bar, still blushing furiously. "I need more booze."

"What did I tell you about William Shatner?" Eros started.

"Shut it, Cupid."

Coyote laughed. "I suppose you'll be wanting that bow now.

"Cha," she said, picking up her head to look at him.

"Don't have it," he said with a grin.

Eliana started to flip out but Eros beat her to the punch. "What do you mean you don't have it?" he snapped, standing up quickly enough to know the barstool over. The current karaoke performer faltered at the noise of it clattering on the floor.

Ellie dropped her head on the bar again, not caring that her hair landed in a puddle of condensation from her empty whiskey glass. At least, she hoped it was the water from her glass. "Son of a bitch."

Her god wasn't having any of it though, stalking out of the door.

"That was him storming off, wasn't it?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.

"Yep."

"That was my ride," she said miserably.

"You can come home with me. He'll know where to find you, once he's gotten the rage out of his system. After all: 'spidey sense'."

She stood, smoothing down her skirt. "Alright."

"Let's get in the pick up and go," he said, tossing the dishtowel on the counter.

Eliana smiled and said, "You really know how to charm a girl, Trickster."

"That isn't news."


	19. In which an old friend returns

Chapter Nineteen: In which an old friend returns.

Walking back into the motel room Coyote looked down at the heap of divinity in the room's single upholstered chair that was Dionysus.

"So nice to see you again," he said.

The god of the grape seemed to unfurl himself to stand in front of them proudly and (more amazingly) soberly. "Coyote… ah! Ellie! I was hoping I'd run into you."

"Hi Dionysus," she said.

From apparently nowhere he handed her a glass. "Mexican Martini?"

"Are you going to try and get in my pants again?"

"My dear, you're not wearing any pants."

She rolled her eyes. "My skirt then"

"Honestly?"

"Yes."

"Probably."

"Good to know," she said and downed the contents of her glass in two gulps. As she munched the olives on a toothpick with an innocent expression Coyote chuckled.

"I think I could like you, kid," he said, touching her shoulder. He pulled out a chair for her at the Formica dinette set.

"A shot of mescal, my friend. Hold the worm."

Dionysus obliged and they sat, drinking in the god's kitchenette.

"Where's my cousin?" Dionysus asked.

Coyote shook his head and Eliana answered, "Wandering around, angry." She was taking her time with the second mixed drink Dionysus had given her.

"Oh, you poor thing," he said with a lascivious half hug.

"Not drunk yet, get off of me."

Coyote laughed as Dionysus released her.

"So, while my companion," she paused and snorted her amusement, "Is out, who did you give the bow to?"

"A collector of weapons," Coyote answered.

"Mortal?"

"No."

"Of course not." She took another large swallow. She grimaced and said, "Put me out of my misery and kill me now."

Both gods laughed at her.

"How about you do me a favor, then: tell me who, so I don't have to play this guessing game."

"What will I get in return?" he asked, turning his yellow-eyed stare at her.

"Damn you and your reciprocity. I don't know… what do you want?"

"Artemis," he said. "That's who has it," he clarified when she gave him a confused look.

Blinking once or twice in mental self-assessment, she asked, "What did you take from me?"

"Nothing and I don't intend to. As payment I want you to take it back from her. And let me watch."

"Mmm, girl on girl action-" Dionysus began but Eliana cut him off with a light slap on the arm.

"Lecher," she accused. "What's so valuable about me taking it from her?"

Coyote rolled his eyes. "Think about what you know about Artemis and it all should become clear."

She made a show of thought, brow furrowing.

"His point is that she won't want to give it to you," Dionysus said in a mock whisper.

"Oh. And you've both been so forthcoming…."

"In comparison?" Coyote said, "We certainly have been."

"Enough," she pleaded. "I'm just going to drink my sorrows away now and pretend you two aren't deities."

Dionysus perked up, "Does that mean your prohibition on sex with immortals is off?"

"No."

He settled back in his chair and said good-naturedly, "Tease."

"This is the most depressing Thanksgiving ever," she said and downed the rest of her drink.

Eros entered Coyote's motel room to find Ellie collapsed on the floor of the kitchen again, three sheets to the wind. Coyote and Dionysus sat at the table ignoring her in favor of a raucous game of dominoes.

"What is it with you and floors when you're drunk?" he asked, bending over to help her up.

"Not now," she slurred, batting his hands away. "I'm on the phone…. Marco!" she greeted happily then degenerated into a fit of giggles. "I'm drunk dialing you," she said as if it were some sort of great discovery. "Again."

"This isn't one of you better ideas, Ellie," Eros said but she wasn't paying attention to him anymore.

"What are you doing on the… first?" she asked.

"Nothing that I know of," Marco said.

"Good. Some friends of mine are having their engagement party and you should come."

"An engagement party?"

"That's what I said. Innit?" she asked before laughing again.

"Yes, it is," he said with his own laugh. "Where are you?"

"Monterey," she answered.

"Wow, you said that like you actually speak Spanish."

"Don't make fun of me! It's not my fault I'm from Cali and you're from Argentina-"

"There! You did it again," he said with another chuckle. "So, you have to be drunk to be Hispanic?"

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"You're right, I don't," she agreed, giggling.

"Besides, there are plenty of people from California who can still speak Spanish."

"I'm pretty, I don't have to be smart."

"Yes, Eliana."

She swooned against the wall at the way he said her name. Eros merely shook his head and leaned against one of the counters.

"You're very pretty. But anyone who thinks that being a double major is fun, has just about all of the works of Hume memorized-"

"Commit it then to the flames for it contains nothing but sophistry and illusion!"

He continued as if she hadn't spoken, "And makes classics jokes that most majors don't get belongs in the smart people club."

"Aw, thanks Sp…Marco."

"I have to go," he said suddenly and she could hear another girl in the background asking who it was.

"What?" Ellie managed.

"My… friend-"

"Say it!" she snapped as the girl with him demanded again to know who it was.

"What?"

"Just fucking say it-" but before she could goad him anymore Eros snatched the phone out of her hand.

"Eliana will have to talk to you later," he told Marco and disconnected. "You little idiot," he said, looking at her sternly.

"Marco thinks I'm smart," she pouted. "And he said I was pretty."

"Marco has a girlfriend and it's not you

She looked up at him, brown eyes turning glassy with tears. "You're so mean to me.

"I think you're pretty," Dionysus said from the table.

"No crying in my house, kid," Coyote told her before slapping a domino on the table.

"Shit," Dionysus said, turning his attention back to the game. He absently waved his hand and her glass refilled. "Here, have another drink," he said, contemplating his next move.

"She's had enough," Eros said firmly and hauled her up in his arms. "You're going to bed," he told her when she made a squeak of protest.

"Lovely meeting you," Coyote said, not really interested. "I'll be seeing you again. After all, you owe me."

Eros started to ask what he meant by that but Dionysus had finally smacked his own domino down on the table. With an impatient shake of his head Eros carried Eliana off to their own room in the motel.

He set her down on the curb as he opened the door. She tucked her legs up against her chest, letting her long black skirt's hem soak in the gutter. At least it wasn't raining anymore.

"Come on, Eliana," he said, but she didn't move, resting her chin on top of her knees. "Ellie, do I really have to carry you everywhere?"

"No. I'll be there in a minute," she said quietly, lighting a cigarette in an attempt to sober up.

He sighed, feeling a little guilty and not like it in the least.

He closed the door again and went to sit beside her. "I wasn't trying to be mean,"

She laughed softly. "I know, I'm just an oversensitive drunk. And you never try to be mean, you just sort of are."

That made him pause as he lit his own cigarette. "I am not."

"Excuse me!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "Not mean my ass!"

He shushed her, "Not so loudly, Ellie. It's late."

"My bad. But you are. Mean, I mean." That made her snicker. "You're one of the most ornery people I've met."

It started to drizzle again and he stood, dropping his cigarette in the gutter. It went out with a fizzle. "Come along, Eliana."

She rose and let her own cigarette fall from her hand to be carried away by the rain filled gutter. Once inside she opened her suitcase, pulling out her pajamas. I think this is an occasion for penguin socks, no?"

"Was I that mean?"

"There's also the deal I made with Coyote," she said over her shoulder as she went into the bathroom to change. Re emerging in black drawstring pants and a Santa Clara sweatshirt she vogued, lifting the hem of her pants. "Socks." She stumbled and giggled.

"Yes, Ellie, socks. Now, what's this deal you made with Coyote?" he asked, settling at their own cheap dinette.

She perched on the edge of the kitchenette's counter. "I asked who had the bow now. And he traded me the name, Artemis-"

"What?" he exclaimed. "That cyclical lunatic?"

"Yeah you're not prickly," she said with a snort. "And punny. Ouch."

"What did you trade?"

"He gets to watch as I get it back."

"There's no way," he said more to himself than to her.

"But I traded him, Eros, he has to be there."

"I meant you getting the bow back from Artemis."

She frowned, "I'll do it. If I've come this far-"

"She won't give it to you."

"I didn't expect her to give it to me. But what's another challenge on this damn quest?"

"I mean you'll fail. I'm sorry Ellie-"

"I won't," she said firmly. "Cats. Death. Munchy-munchy. I have damn good motivation."

He pushed his had through his dark hair. "That's it exactly, Eliana. You're not worth her challenging you. She doesn't hold with girls like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're an easily love struck fool. You're the kind of girl who can't stand on her own and she has no respect for that."

Eliana slid off of the counter, letting her hair obscure her face.

"Ellie-"

"Shut up, Eros," she said, her voice cracking as she pulled her mary janes back on.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to Coyote's. Dionysus may be a drunkard and Coyote may be a trickster but at least they treat me kindly."

He tried to protest again but she spoke before he had a chance to, "What? I know I'm too sensitive right now, but that was cruel."

"I didn't mean-"

"Yes, you did. Go on and pretend you were speaking from Artemis' mouth," she said suddenly sober and hating it. Shrugging, she opened the door and went on, "Find out where she is. I want to get this over with."

Eros remained alone after the door closed in the half lit hotel room.


	20. In which there is comfort given

Chapter Twenty: In which there is comfort given.

Coyote opened the door and looked at Eliana standing on his doorstep for a moment before saying, "Come in from the rain," as he stepped aside.

"What will I owe you for that?" she asked with a weak smile as she shivered.

"Future hospitality," he replied with his own sharp-toothed grin. "Now come in."

"Was my cousin being mean to you again?" Dionysus asked as she stepped in and Coyote closed the door behind her. There was a new game of dominoes on the table.

"When is he not?" she asked rhetorically.

"No self pity in my house," Coyote told her. "And don't cry again."

"Then I need another drink, Dionysus."

"You only like me because I fill your glass."

Coyote snorted, "Is there a better reason to like someone in your eyes?" he teased.

The other god shrugged and admitted, "Good point." He patted the chair beside him. "Come and sit down, lovey."

"Why, Dionysus, I never knew you thought about me that way," Coyote said with a girlish giggle as Ellie sat. She watched the game with half closed eyes, slowly drinking her mixed drink.

After a moment she asked, "Dionysus, what can you tell me about Artemis?"

"Frigid bitch," he said. "Diana's not exactly my biggest fan."

"I can't imagine she would be. That's not what I meant though-"

"I know," he said, taking a deep swig from his bottle of wine. "You want to know if you have a chance at getting the bow back. I won't lie; it'll be difficult. Like I said, she won't want to give it to you. But you're a clever girl, for the most part. Personally, I think your taste is a little questionable, what with your constant rejection of this fine specimen of godhood…." he trailed off spreading his hands.

"Any tips you want to give me?"

"Prove yourself to her. She'll not think very highly of you, I'm afraid, but you're full of surprises."

"Not any mortal can challenge two gods and walk away the winner," Coyote said, placing a warm brown hand on her shoulder.

"I don't think it counts as winning- you both called it off. After the bottle of tequila and public humiliation, I might add."

"You were just so determined," Coyote said with a laugh. "And do you really think I could have resisted?"

Eliana rose out of her chair with a yelp. The two gods snickered when she pulled her vibrating phone from her back pocket. "Stupid phone."

"What's your number?" Dionysus asked.

"Shut up," she said before answering. "Hello?"

"Who was that?" Marco demanded.

"Who was… whuh?" she tried to force the fuzzy memories of tonight's drunk-dial clear. "Oh. That was Eros."

"You're boyfriend?" he asked, irritated.

"What the hell is this about?"

"Some strange guy took your phone and hung up on me. I wanted to know what the hell happened."

"Oh. Well, now you know. It was Eros. I've got to go-"

"Who's Eros?" he demanded.

"My… friend," she threw back at him.

"Fine," he said shortly and disconnected.

"Asshat," she told the phone.

"Well done," Coyote congratulated. "And you called me the trickster."

"I like to think he deserved it."

"You'll be fine going up against Artemis," Dionysus said happily.

She yawned and dropped her head on the table, rattling the dominoes still there.

"Hey, no sleeping on the bones," Coyote scolded, poking her. "When did I get so many rules?" he asked Dionysus.

"When you started spending more time with mortals."

"Sorry," she said before yawning again.

"Why don't you go to bed?" Dionysus asked. "I'll gladly-"

Picking up her head she cut him off, "Don't finish whatever the hell you were going to say. And I don't feel like it, that's why."

Coyote looked impressed. "Stubborn kid."

"And feisty."

The other god stood, "How about some coffee then? Since you don't want to go to bed yet."

"And what will I owe you for that?"

"A future cup of coffee. If you keep asking me that I'll make life very difficult for you."

She smiled, "I like to know what I'm getting into."

"An admirable trait," Dionysus complimented. IT should have sounded lewd but it did.

"Besides," she continued as if the god of the grape hadn't spoken, pausing to stretch. "According to Pater you've wreaked enough havoc in my life for me to be wary."

"I've been nice to you, what are you talking about?" he asked with a chuckle, flipping one of his black braids over his shoulder as he filled the coffee maker with water from the tap.

"So was Eros and it still earned him a slap."

There was a long awkward silence as both gods stared at her.

"You're not speaking metaphorically, are you?" Dionysus finally asked.

"Now."

Coyote whistled through his teeth, setting the coffee maker. He approached the table, sitting across from her and subjecting her to his chillingly feral glare. "Despite my innate desire for trouble, I'll do you a favor kid. We may seem like a friendly lot, but we're still gods."

Eliana frowned, not comprehending.

"What Coyote's saying is that we're not all smiles and laughs… you say you're wary but you don't seem to take our divinity into account."

"You mean I shouldn't push my luck. You'll play nice as long as I amuse you."

"Stop amusing us and we'll take your ass out," Coyote confirmed. "Not that we don't like you," he finished with a laugh.

"I see. To me credit, I was pretty wasted."

"Doesn't matter. When was the last time you heard of a god being reasonable?"

"If I agree with that you're not going to, like, strike me with lightning or anything like that, are you?" she asked, but she smiled as she said it.

Dionysus wrapped his arm around her shoulders and said, "Good, I was hoping the big bad Coyote wouldn't scare you."

"Wanna know what's scary?"

"Sure," he said leaning closer.

"Me if you don't get off. Now."

The gods laughed and Dionysus let her go.

"Coffee's done," she said, looking over Coyote's shoulder. She got up and went to pour. "You're not one of those sissies that likes cream and sugar in their," she paused and glanced at the clock, "Two a.m. coffee, are you?"

"No, I'm not one of those sissies," he said with a laugh. "Just bring me my coffee."

"Tin cups," she said as she poured. "How retro."

"What did I just tell you about making fun of gods?"

"You never said anything about making fun of them, just not crossing the line. Besides, I thought you liked me."

Coyote seemed to consider this for a minute. "You're right. Hopefully you won't do anything to make me regret this later but… you're safe from me, Ellie. I'll never raise a hand to kill you. Maim you a bit, maybe," he said with a wink.

She mocked sniffed. "I feel so love

"You ought to. Between my promise not to smite you and know Coyote's you're set up to be the whiniest, most annoying mortal you can be tonight," Dionysus said.

"I thought that wasn't allowed in Coyote's house?"

"I don't think that was a specific rule, but it is now," the trickster said.

"Aw damn, I just gave myself another rule. That bites."

Coyote smiled at her and wrapped his arm round her shoulder.

"You know that I'm not going to let you stay here, right? One house pest," at that he gave a significant look to Dionysus, "Is enough for one night."

"Yeah, I'm there. Let me have my coffee and then I'll get out of your hair. I'm almost sober, but not quite."

Dionysus looked shocked. "That's a good thing?"

"Mortals can get alcohol poisoning, you know." She propped her head on her hand, looking down at the forgotten game of dominoes. "I want a coin operated boy."

"What?" the gods asked in unison.

"It's a song. And I think it would be the perfect solution to all my problems, a boy I could turn on whenever I want to."

They laughed at her innocent expression. "I don't think you could stop being amusing if you tried," Dionysus told her.

She smirked and finished off her coffee. "I'll get out now," she said and ruffled Dionysus' hair affectionately.

"Tease," he protested. With another laugh she plopped herself in his lap and asked, "What would you do with me if you had me?"

"If I have you, I'd show you," he told her, wrapping his arms around her. She kissed his cheek and hopped off. "Hey!" He protested.

"I should have warned you- I have past trauma with being called a tease. I always maintained I wasn't, people said I was. Now you know what me being a tease looks like."

"Point made," he admitted as Coyote howled with laughter. "Good night, Ellie."

She waved over her shoulder as she started to the door.

**AN: ** Sorry for all the delays, hope ya'll are still with me. I've been distracted by a few new projects, including NaNoWriMo (why do I do this to myself every year. Yarrrrrgh.) and the good news is that one of them is showing some real promise. Just want to give you a heads up that I've been living in a writing bubble for the past few months, but I'll try to remember that I've got other things going on. Heh. If someone wants to volunteer to be my keeper and send me irritated emails if you think I'm ignoring this I certainly won't complain.

Hope you enjoy and thanks again for all of your patience.


	21. In which there is trouble

Chapter Twenty-One: In which there is trouble.

Coyote followed her out. He sat on the curb, lighting a cigarette.

"Hey, think I could bum one of those?"

He held out the pack but before she took one she asked, "What will I owe you for this?" her hand hovering above the pack.

"A kiss."

"Fine," she said and took the Marlboro.

He leaned over, taking her chin between two fingers to prevent the turning of the cheek dodge and kissed her. A door slammed closed and Eliana sprang backward. "What... what did you do?" she demanded.

"Caused trouble. Need a light?"

She ignored him and asked, "Who saw?"

He merely shrugged, flicking ash from his cigarette.

"Don't lie to me, Coyote."

He looked at her obliquely, yellow eyes glowing in the dark and grinned. "Then don't ask me directly again, because I won't tell you."

"Fine," she said, not sounding at all pleased. "Can I get that light?"

He flicked the lighter and held it to her to light her cigarette. They sat there smoking in silence for a few moments before Eliana broke down and asked, "Who saw?"

"Don't worry about it. If it effects you the damage is already done, isn't it? Just sit there and smoke you're cigarette."

She fumed silently, tucking her legs against her chest.

"What did I tell you about self pity?"

"I'm not in your house," she retorted.

"You're on my porch."

"Dude, it's a motel. Get over it."

He laughed, "You're even funnier when you're angry."

Finally she put out the cigarette. "I give up on you, Trickster. I'm going to bed. Don't follow me to my dreams."

"I wouldn't unless you asked me to."

She put her hand on her hips and snorted. "Funny but I can't bring myself to believe that."

He shrugged. "Suit yourself." He flicked the butt of his smoke into the darkness. "I think you were going inside to bed, Ellie."

"I know that," she said rolling her eyes. She turned away from him and he could hear her muttering and she walked to her room three doors down, "Gods... damned if I know why I put up with them..."

She didn't see Eros immediately when she walked into the motel room. It was dark, the weak light from the parking lot effectively filtered out by the heavy curtains. "Eros?" she whispered, wondering for the first time if gods had to sleep.

"I'm awake," he said from the blackness causing her to jump and bite her tongue. "There's no reason to sneak about."

"Then can I turn on a light?"

There was a pause. "Suit yourself."

She hit the switch and the overhead popped with a blue flash and a whiff of ozone prompting another jump. "Holy Jesus Christ," she panted. "Too many scares in too short a time."

"How many scares?" he asked, voice sounding odd.

"Can we wait until I can see you?" she replied, feeling along the wall to get to the lamps by the beds. "Or could you turn on a light?"

She heard the clicking of the switch over the pounding of her heart in her ears. Adrenaline and caffeine don't mix, she decided.

"They went out. Might as well just stumble over to your bed and pass out."

She continued her slow progress around the outside of the room, bumping into the dresser, then the entertainment center before tripping into a bed.

There was a rustle of fabric beside her and she clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming aloud. "Wrong bed," he said.

Shaking, not sure why she was so uncomfortable in the darkness she managed, "Don't care, not moving yet."

Eros reached out and touched her shoulder. She jerked back with another stifled scream. This time she didn't take her hand from her mouth. "Settle down, mortal."

For some reason the tone in his voice reminded her of the warning she received from Dionysus and Coyote. She moved her hand and said, "Whatever I did to piss you off, I'm sorry," with her voice pitched low as though it were improper to speak at a normal volume in the oppressing black.

There was another long silence and then he said, "I just don't know how to apologize, Eliana. But know that I want to and that's a very uncomfortable feeling for a god."

She laughed and curled up with her knees below her chin again. She was starting to adjust to the near pitch dark, beginning to see vague shapes. "Well, don't be so mean next time and there won't be anymore drunken tears, I promise."

"I'll try," he said.

Carefully, she inched her hand along the comforter, found his hand and took it in hers with a not so gentle squeeze. "Dionysus says I have a chance against Diana, if that's any comfort."

"And Coyote? What advice did he give you?"

"Fucking hell!" She exclaimed, finally catching on to his weird mood. "Remind me to never make any sort of trade, no matter how innocuous it might seem with that Trickster." She snorted. "I trade Louisa kisses for cigarettes all the time, I didn't think anything of it..." she muttered to herself.

Eros laughed. "I'll hold you to that no more deals thing, you know?" he asked, brushing the top of her hand with his thumb.

"Please do," she said and scooted away from him. "I'm not moving or I'll kill myself in the dark. So, it's up to you to find the other bed. Good luck!" she said and lay down on her side very, very confused.

"Of course," he said, and stood, not stumbling. He pulled the blankets over her and kissed her cheek. "Good night, Ellie," he said in her ear.

Eliana didn't sleep very well that night.

She felt as though she'd just drifted off when Eros turned on the lights, which apparently had fixed themselves sometime in the middle of the night shaking her shoulder firmly to wake her up.

"Come on, Eliana. We should get on the road. It's a good 18 hours to Texas."

Eliana figured she hadn't woken up yet when she heard that and rolled over, pulling the comforter over her head.

"I'm serious, Ellie. Get up and pack up you things."

No longer able to deny consciousness she sat up, her hair mussed in all directions and croaked out. "Texas?"

"Yes, that's what I said. We're going to Texas."

"The fuck for?" she asked, grumpily, stretching her arms above her head, her back cracking.

"To see Artemis."

"Diana lives in Texas?" she asked, staring at his as though he were some creature much stranger than the god he was.

"Yes, in Pine Springs."

"In Pine. Springs," she repeated.

"Eliana, do you want some coffee? This is long past absurd."

"Coffee would be good." She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, stretching again. "What the fuck is she doing in Pine Springs? Talk about an asstastic place to live."

"She doesn't live in Pine Springs, she lives on a ranch outside of Pine Springs. She's the Huntress, remember?"

"Right," she said before yawning. "Right. Well, I'll get dressed and packed if you bring me coffee?"

"Coyote should have some," he said and walked out of the door.

"The Panhandle. Sweet Jeebus," she muttered, finally getting out of bed and puttering around the motel room, collecting her things.

When Eros returned he brought Coyote with him. The Trickster God laughed at the picture Eliana made, in her jeans and long sleeved raglan that said, 'hottiecrat' in bright blue letters with her hair piled on top of her head.

"Having a good morning there, kid?"

"Coffee. Now. I'm packed. And kind of dressed. Well, I'm wearing clothes at least. That don't involve drawstrings. I'm pretty damned impressed with myself," she said, sitting at the Formica table and sipping at the bitter black coffee. "Can you explain to me again why

Artemis lives in the Panhandle? Isn't there somewhere... less armpit-y she'd like to be?"

"Apparently not," Coyote said. "And I'm so telling her that Pine Springs is armpit-y- that's a good one."

"I would've thought that the amount of time you spent in West Texas you'd realize the crapitude of it all."

"Really, kid, it's charming in it's own right."

"No, it's really not."

"Enough," Eros said, stopping them. "Ellie," he handed her the keys. "Pack up. I'll go check us out. Coyote... are you sitting in the car for twenty hours with us?"

"Sure. It's been a while since my last road trip."

"Delightful," he said, standing.

Eliana downed the remainder of her coffee like it was a shot and shuddered. "Whew. That was either terrible or awesome."

"Aren't those synonyms?" Coyote asked with a laugh.

"Maybe in your crazy god-world. Not here with us ants," she shot back, getting up and fetching her bags from the bedroom. He got up as she passed him, following her out of the door. He looked at his own motel room and waved, an oddly sentimental gesture. She didn't comment, hitting the keyless entry and walking to the back of Eros' Audi to put her bags in the trunk.

"You take the front, "I'm taking a nap," she told Coyote, leaning against the hood and lighting a cigarette.

"Will you hit me if I say you look like you need it?"

"You said it and I'm not hitting you. I'm conserving the precious energy it requires to bring this Camel to my face."

"Good to know. Didn't sleep well last night?" he asked baring his teeth more than grinning at her.

"As a matter of fact no. And I'm willing to bet you already knew that and I think it's time for you to shut the hell up, Trickster."

He laughed. "Get in, here comes Eros."

"Right. Texas. Blah." She opened the door and threw herself into the back seat, picking up the fleece sweater she'd discarded there while in the car yesterday and transforming it into a functional, if lumpy pillow.

"I hope you don't snore," Coyote said, getting in.

"I do. Loudly. It's amazing the noises a petite flower such as myself can make."

He snorted. "I'm sure I can imagine."

"Fuck off," she said, turning her back to him and curling, almost fetal, on her side. She was out like a light by the time Eros' door closed after him.

* * *

**AN: **Long time no update- I have a new story in the works that seems to have eaten my entire brain. It's a bit crap, even after over six months of work, but that's probably why it's noshing on the old gray matter. At any rate, sorry about the long delay, hope you enjoyed.


	22. In which there is a hunt

Chapter Twenty-two: In which there is a hunt

Eros' car pulled onto a stretch of dirt that could only be called a road by a rather generous stretch of imagination. The jolts and shudders of the Audi caused Ellie to jerk away with a none too dignified snort.

"Uh bluh whuh?"

"Morning sunshine," Coyote said with a snicker.

"Where…" she trailed off with a jaw-cracking yawn. "Try that again: Where are we?"

"Just outside of Pine Springs," Eros answered, white-knuckling the steering wheel.

It took Ellie a moment to process what the god had said, all the while Coyote eagerly watched for her reaction, yellow eyes intent. She still hadn't quite gotten to the inevitable conclusion despite checking the clock set in the dash and peering out the window at the West Texas scrubland several times.

Finally, feeling as though her brain was stretched to the point of breaking she squeaked out, "How?"

"I didn't really feel like driving 20 hours," Eros said, "And since you weren't going to have your tiny, fallible mind broken by witnessing any sort of-"

"God tricks? You magiced us here! Oh my _jesus_." Burying her face in her hands, she made a rather strange whining noise, prompting a howl of laughter from Coyote.

"This isn't funny!" she snapped. "I can officially never sleep ever again, I'll be too afraid of ending up where ever.

"Or whatever," Coyote added.

She stared at him, eyes wide. "That's _really_ not funny."

"It's not like it doesn't have precedent."

"Coyote, I was trying not to drive her literally insane, remember?" Eros said with a sigh.

"You are no fun whatsoever, Cupid. What's the point of having awesome and sublime powers if you don't have fun with them once in a while?"

Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose then said, "Ok, I'm just going to try and repress all of what happened. I fully expect one of you to god-magic away any sort of brain tumor that may result."

"Repression doesn't cause brain tumors, just neurotic behaviors, and believe me you don't need any more of those," Eros said.

"Ha. Well, you should have thought of that before blinking me halfway across the country. Another thing that you should've have though of is that we no longer have any time to come up with a nefarious scheme to get your bow back from Artemis. Or have you done that while I was napping?"

Eros made a nearly inaudible grumbling noise, prompting Coyote to snicker again.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Ellie asked.

"I said, no, I don't have a nefarious scheme."

"Do you have a non-nefarious scheme?"

"No."

"Ah. Would you pull over, please?"

Coyote peered over his shoulder at her curiously. Seeing her expression he turned around quickly with a soft, "ho boy."

"Here?" Eros asked. "In the middle of nowhere?"

"Yes, please."

The Audi slowed further and eased onto what was supposed to pass for a shoulder, mesquite branches scraping against the roof and windows. Before Eros could fully turn around to look at Ellie she was out of the car and knocking on the trunk.

"This isn't going to end well, is it?" Eros asked, shutting off the engine.

"Why are you asking me? She's your mortal."

"Coyote," he said in a warning tone.

"Probably not. That family has quite the temper."

"Fan-fucking-tastic." He popped open the trunk, then stepped outside. "Ellie. What are you doing?"

"Looking for something," she said, voice muffled as she practically crawled into the trunk chasing after one of her bags.

"I gathered that much-" he began but she interrupted him with a triumphant "Ha!"

She emerged holding her purse. After pulling out her battered pack of cloves and lighting one, she dumped the rest of its contents in the trunk, poking through the mess thoughtfully.

"You have a nefarious plan, don't you?" he asked.

"Maybe. Maybe. No chance that you or Coyote could poof up some coffee is there?"

"We have a thermos in the car."

"Great. Get Coyote out here while you're at it, would you?"

Thoroughly confused he went to fetch the thermos of coffee. "Ellie would like to see you."

"Why isn't she screaming herself blue in the face?"

"You can ask her when you get out there. I'm not pressing my luck. Take her this, I'm staying in here."

"Pansy," he accused.

"I may be immortal, but let's be serious here."

Coyote found Ellie stretched on her toes, cigarette clenched in her mouth and carefully reaching into the heart of the nearest mesquite, cutting branches.

She snapped something unintelligible.

"What was that?"

Dropping back down she removed the cigarette from her mouth and looked at him, holding several mesquite switches in her hand. "I said son of a bitch, these things have some serious thorns."

"You know, you have to let the wood dry and age for a while before you can barbecue with it, right?"

"More coffee, less sass," she said, dropping her switches and sitting down on the gravel road.

"Eros said you wanted to see me," he said, joining her on the ground and handing over the thermos.

After taking a swig straight from it, she started removing the over two inch long thorns with her small pocketknife. "It's been a while since I've done this, I was hoping that you could tell me if I'm fucking it up."

"And what is it that you're doing?"

"Making mizquitl snares. I'm going to bring Diana a present."

Coyote laughed that strange howl of a laugh. "Eliana, for someone who woke up five minutes ago to discover her reality fundamentally altered you are quick are on your feet."

"I'm as impressed as anyone else, I'm usually notoriously slow witted and that's under the best of well-slept, caffeinated circumstances," she said, examining the switch in her hand and determining it to be the appropriate length and thorn free. "It's a fucking miracle I noticed the jackrabbit trail."

"Your azhé'é would be proud."

She finished tying the snare and sat staring at it in her hands. "Don't speak so soon. Daddy would be very embarrassed to find out that I think I might be too squeamish to do this."

Coyote laughed. "Poor Ellie. Too long in the city. What would you do if you ever had to eat something that didn't come safely wrapped in plastic from the grocery store."

"Die of pathetic-ness, no doubt. Fucking hell."

"I'll do you a favor," he offered, holding his hand out.

Ellie looked at him through narrowed eyes. "Ok, now I know what desperation feels like. I think I can get over squeamish."

"A favor for a favor. Seems fair to me."

"Of course it does. What favor"

"Oh, that I don't know…."

"Absolutely not."

"Well, get on with your bunny killing, then."

She sighed, looking again at the snare. "Oh, all right. But I veto power over any favor you ask of me."

"You can't expect me to agree to that."

"It's still an unnamed favor. I have neither the time nor the inclination to come up with a loophole-less agreement as to what the favor can and cannot consist of."

"You take advantage of me. But all right."

"Don't hurt it though. Just bring it back."

"You are so demanding," he said and disappeared into the stand of mesquite on silent feet.

Ellie stood up, brushing dust off of her pants and looked past the trees to see a lone coyote loping away from the car.

"That wasn't very clever," Eros said, startling her.

"I couldn't kill something just to prove a point. I mean, it's just a matter of some god's pride, isn't it?"

"What, we're no longer worthy of sacrifices?" he asked.

"Hate to break it to you, but not to me you're not."

"But having Coyote do your dirty work is all right."

"I asked him not to hurt it."

Eros rolled his eyes but let the matter rest and they waited in silence for Coyote to return.

Eros saw him first, a tall figure in denim jogging close. He slid off of the trunk of the car, grounding out his cigarette and pulled the keys out of his pocket. "I still can't believe you gave Coyote a favor. You don't even know if this is going to work."

"Do you have a nefarious scheme?"

"Stop saying that."

"Do you?"

"No."

"All right then. You can kiss my big brown ass."

"Unless it doesn't work."

"I'm touched by your faith in me," she said with a false sniffle. "I mean it, I'm moved."

"Don't talk to me about lack of faith, Ellie."

"Grump," she accused.

They're bickering drew to a close as Coyote crunched up the gravel. "All right. One jackrabbit, just like you ordered," he said holding out the rabbit.

Ellie looked at it, its long ears trembling and its eyes wide. "Poor bunny. Maybe she won't eat you," she said and gingerly took it from Coyote's outstretched hands. "Let's go before this thing pees on me."

They were fortunately not far from Artemis' ranch and the trip went quickly if not entirely smoothly. The gravel wasn't entirely to blame for that- Eros was more than a little put out when Coyote mentioned the numerous parasites the rabbit was probably cleaning.

"If my car is infested with fleas, Ellie, I swear-"

"You can just miracle them away. It's not like you have to go through the trouble that a mere mortal would. Bleh, I remember when my parents' dog got fleas. Pain in the ass. I could have used some miracle making then."

Eros resorted to grumbling so quietly enough that Ellie couldn't hear, though Coyote did snicker several times.

The unlikely trio walked toward Artemis' modest ranch house, Ellie with more than a little trepidation. "She's going to sense that I'm a big pansy, isn't she."

"Yes," Eros said bluntly.

"Lie to me and say no."

"No."

"Thanks."

"I meant, no I won't-"

"La la la, I not listening," she said in singsong.

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

Eros and Coyote paused at the edge of the porch, letting Ellie approach the door alone. "What are you doing back there?" she asked after knocking loudly on the door.

"Diana's scary," Coyote said.

"Jesus Horatio Christ," she said and was unsure whether the shaking she felt was her own or the jackrabbit in her arms.

Before Ellie could scuttle off to the perceived safety of being next to the two gods a pretty red head opened the door.

"Wow. Nice bunny."

"Er. Artemis?" Ellie asked, though the loud sigh of relief from Eros tipped her off that it was not the goddess of the hunt standing before her.

"No, I'm Kate. Why don't you come in?"

Ellie followed her inside the pine-floored ranch house with Coyote close on her heels.

"Kate, huh," he said, a positively feral look in his eyes.

"Yeah, Kate. And your Coyote, Ellie and Eros," she said pointing to each in turn. "I don't know the rabbit though."

"It's a present. For Artemis. I thought this is where-"

"Oh, you have the right place," Kate assured. "Why don't you sit down," she said, pointing to the living room. "I'll go get Diana."

"Ok. Thanks."

When the red head seemed out of earshot Ellie asked, "What the deuce is going on?"

"I believe Diana has a new girlfriend," Eros said, settling in an overstuffed armchair close to the large fireplace. "Come sit, it'd be rude to ignore their hospitality."

Ellie obediently did as she was told, but Coyote began to casually stroll around the room, looking at the various mounted trophies on the wall and knickknacks on the table.

"Pretty nice digs they have here."

"Coyote, please try and behave," Ellie pleaded.

"I always behave just as a I ought to."

"That's not exactly a good thing, is it?"

Before Coyote could answer a tall dark haired woman entered the room, well-muscled arms crossed over her chest, Kate close behind her. "Cousin," she said. "What sort of riff raff have you brought into my house?"

"Babe," Kate said in mild reproof.

Ellie stood. "My name's Eliana. I've come seeking Eros' bow."

Diana's bright eyes narrowed. "Really."

"I've brought you a rabbit," Eliana said in a desperate attempt to get Diana to turn off the death glare.

"So, you don't just carry around a jackrabbit for fun then?" she said with a sneer. "That's quite the offering, a mangy rabbit. Thanks ever so much."

"Babe," Kate said again.

Despite the very logical reason of 'she could kill you where you stand,' Ellie didn't take having her present snubbed very well.

"I'd say it's more than anyone's try give you in a long time, isn't it?" she snapped.

Eros stood quickly. "Eliana-"

"I do so hate to rub it in, Eros, I know it must be such a trial for all of you former Olympians," she said over her shoulder. She stroked one long fingered hand down the rabbit's back. "Well, since it's just a mangy rabbit, not a gift worthy of the goddess I'll just be off then. Besides, it's not like she has your bow. As useless as any other god."

"Eliana!"

"Who are you to speak to me in this way," Diana demanded. "How are you deserving of my grace? I know you and the kind you are- tell me why I should do you any favors."

"You know I am just sick of being lectured by hyped up feminists. You want me to be empowered? I am. I make my own choices and if my hetero-normative lifestyle is a burr on your ass that's your own problem."

Kate surprised them all by laughing. "Babe," she said, touching Diana's arm gently. "She's kind of awesome. It takes balls, if you'll excuse the colloquialism, to say any of what she did when you're in this mood."

"She's a brat."

"And?" Ellie asked. "Deriding someone's gift of good will is the polite thing to do? From where I'm sitting, I'm the pot and you're the kettle."

Kate laughed again. "Babe, seriously. _Awesome_."

Diana seemed to soften a little. "Thanks for the rabbit," she said and took it from Ellie.

"My pleasure," Eliana replied.

"How do you know that I don't have Eros' bow though?"

"You're an archer. And it's not up with your others," she said gesturing to the display of bows on the wall. "Seeing as it's shiny and obtrusive I can't imagine it'd be much good to you except for display."

"Well, I don't, you're right about that much."

"Where is it, cousin?" Eros asked.

Diana gave him a withering look. "If you'll excuse me, I have work to do," and with that left the room.

"Um. Ok," Ellie said once Diana had left the room, one of the heavy wooden doors closing loudly behind her. Looking at Kate, "Why didn't she kill me?"

"You may have irritated her, but you didn't act like a simpering twit."

"But she's the one that rights the injustices wrought against the gods. I was pretty unfair to that lot."

Kate just shrugged. "She tries to lay off the maiming and killing nowadays. Sorry about the bow, though."

"Do you know who has it?"

"Jesus."

"What?"

"You know, Jesus."

Eros sat down heavily. "Well. That's interesting."

Eliana just stared at her. "The… Son of god?

"Yep."

"He has the bow."

Kate rolled her eyes. "You have no problem running around with all sorts of other gods, but the notion of Jesus is going to make you wig?"

"The Son of god… has the bow?" was all Ellie managed.

"Yeah, he came over for this party we were having- useful guy. I offered him some wine in a box and he was all, 'Dude, just get me some tap water, whatever'- anyway, we all got drunk and played bouree and he won."

"The… Son of God won the bow… in bouree!?"

Eros sighed. "Ellie, think of it like this. We're all sons of god here. Now stop, this is getting tiresome.

Just then Artemis threw open the door she had disappeared behind. "I heard that asshole! Gender discrimination!" and slammed out again.

Eros rolled his eyes muttering, "She is so touchy. Never liked her."

Eliana glared at him. "You brought along a Catholic, not a Greek Reconstructionist, all right. I'm going to have my hang ups." Turning back to Kate she asked, "So where is… the Son of God?"

Kate pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Well, let me call him, He may not be on the earthly plane."

"You can call… the Son of God."

Eros hit Ellie's arm lightly. "Quit. It."

Kate nodded. "He likes to make 'Hail to the Chief' play on your sell when he calls. Thinks it's funny."

Ellie mind rebelled further against the events of the day. "The Son of God-"

Eros cut her off, temper frayed. "Please, just call him J.C., for fuck's sake so we can all get on with our fucking lives!"

Kate snickered. "Yeah, that's what Jesus does."

Eliana physically winced at the joke. "Whoa."

Suddenly turning towards what revealed itself to be the kitchen Kate called out, "Coyote! Out of the silverware!"

Coyote rushed out of the kitchen, much like a dog running away from the trash and trying his best to appear innocent.

"So that's where you went," Eros said with a put upon sigh.

Coyote apparently wasn't done with his shenanigans as he sidled closer to Kate. "So, uh, chica, you free this weekend? Ellie owes me a favor, I can make her cook me dinner. I'll even have her wear one of those floppy hats."

The room became suddenly cold and Eros straightened. "Run," he gasped.

Eliana stared, "Wha-"

"Run!" Kate and Eros yelled in unison.

They took off for Ellie glancing over her shoulder to see Artemis bursting through the door, holding a hunting knife and fire in her eyes. Kate stepped in front of the livid goddess, pleading loudly, "No, baby, he didn't mean it, I only love you!"

Eros slammed the door closed behind then and the sprinted to the car in record time.

As Eros opened it up down the gravel drive, jarring the car and passengers alike. Once they were safely on the blessedly smooth 62 and gunning it toward I-10 as only the incurred wrath of an immortal woman can prompt you to Eros looked at Coyote who was feigning sleep in the back seat.

"You fucking moron."

"I didn't mean nothing by it," Coyote protested.

"Maybe if you didn't try to steal other people's girlfriends," Ellie snapped. "And now we don't know where to find J.C., I mean the Son-"

"Shut. Up," Eros growled through his teeth.

* * *

**AN: **Ok, the rewrite on this one was pretty hardcore (apparently I didn't feel like writing it the first time and so had just an outline and some dialogue snippets. Damn my laziness.), and, in an effort to not sit around and try and perfect something to the point of letting it drive me crazy, I haven't reread and reworked it a million times. So, there's probably a lot of mistakes. If you come across anything please let me know. A lot was added, taken out, moved around and I'm sure I screwed up somewhere.


	23. In which there is too much blasphemy

Chapter Twenty-Three: In which there is too much blasphemy to describe in a chapter title.

On the dark road into Austin, Eliana was dozing in the front seat, propped up against Eros again. They were currently cutting through the hill country when she woke to a squeal of brakes and a bad sounding thud.

"Bzuh?" she managed as Eros threw the car into park, leaping out of the already open door.

She joined him outside a moment later, suddenly very awake. "What did we hit?" she asked, peering into the darkness.

"More like who," a man she didn't immediately recognize said, standing up in the yellow glow of the headlights beside a mountain bike that would have been pretty fly if it weren't bent so oddly, one wheel spinning forlornly in the air, the metal spokes flashing in the night.

The erstwhile mountain biker looked terribly familiar and Ellie found herself frowning as she regarded him carefully. Recognition hit her hard. "We hit the son of God?" she shrieked.

"Eliana," Eros began but she cut him off, borderline hysterical.

"Do not tell me to shut up! You hit Jesus! With your car!" and off she went across that border.

"I'm all right if it's any comfort," the J.C. said.

"I'm going straight to hell. Santa Maria, I can hear the train, I can hear Satan's train coming for my soul."

Jesus scuffed the ground with his Birkenstock. "Catholic?" he asked Eros.

"Yeah."

"Thought so."

Coyote by now had come out of the car himself. "Hey J.C."

"'Sup Coyote," the Lord and Savior greeted.

Eliana pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. "This is officially beyond my mortal comprehension."

Jesus reached out to her, "Eliana-"

"Back up there, home-slice," she said throwing her hands in front of her and stepping back.

"What?"

"Sorry, too much time with Coyote."

Jesus put his hands on his hips, looking down at the totaled bike. "Think I could catch a ride with you guys?"

"Of course." When Eros frowned at her she snapped, "You hit Christ and wrecked his bike. We're giving him a ride whether it's my car or not."

The god rolled his eyes before agreeing. "Fine."

Coyote hauled up Jesus' bicycle. "Hey Eros, pop the trunk."

"There's not way that could fit," Eliana started to protest. But the gods laughed at her and soon enough the trunk slammed closed, the bike stowed inside.

"Deities. Right." She walked around to the back, throwing herself more than sitting in the sit. Coyote slid in beside her, forcing her to scoot over. "Dude, there's another door."

"Yeah?"

She rolled her eyes. Once they were underway again Ellie asked, "So, J.C.," she paused. "Can I call you that? Or will I go to hell?"

"J.C. is fine," he said with a laugh. "And I'd worry more about the impure thoughts."

She squeaked, blushing fiercely.

Coyot snickered. "Impure thoughts?" he prompted.

"No impure thoughts over here, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Lying makes me cry, you now."

"Lying makes the baby Jesus cry. You're the grown up Jesus. You don't cry tears of red blood… do you?"

The. J. C. snorted before saying, "I try to avoid it."

"Ok," she said, comforted. "Anyway. Um. Not to be all demanding or anything, but where's the bow?"

There was a long silence. "Eros' bow?"

"Eros' bow," she confirmed.

There was another long silence that Eros broke with a heavy sigh. "You don't have it."

"I don't have it," Jesus agreed.

"Of course you don't have it," Eros said miserably.

Eliana ignored him and asked, "What happened to it?"

"I kind of sold it on eBay."

"You sold it. Why aren't I surprised?" Eros muttered, continuing in his self pity.

"I was strapped for cash," J.C. said with a shrug.

"But you're the Son-"

Coyote clapped his hand over her mouth. "Eliana. Stop it. I'm serious."

Jesus chuckled. "Ellie," he said in good-natured warning, "that's a very bad idea."

She squeaked again and Coyote raised his eyebrows. "What was that all about?"

Ellie pulled his hand away from her mouth. "Nothing," she said, voice still squeaky.

Jesus sniffled in the front sit and she flailed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

He giggled. "Whillickers, Catholics are so much fun."

"So, who did you sell it to?" Coyote asked. Apparently Eros had entered a state of deep depression and was currently incapable of speaking, but was certainly capable of sighing enough to be annoying.

"Set," Jesus answered.

"Set… Set…" Eliana muttered to herself trying to place the name in a pantheon. "Oh! Set, duh." There was a pause as she fully realized what that meant. "I have to go to Egypt?" she whined.

"Well, no. He kinda fell in with a bad crowd," Jesus said.

"What does that mean?"

"Last I heard, he was an existential playwright in New York," Coyote answered.

"He's a what now?"

Coyote started to repeat himself but Eliana made a strange noise to cut him off. "No. Never mind. I didn't just ask for a god to make sense." She pushed her hair back from her face. "My brain hurts. Can I go back to sleep now?"

Eros drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "Oh, why the fuck not?" he said moodily.

Before Ellie drifted off again she asked, "Doesn't he know that existentialism is dead?"

Jesus laughed. "You can tell him when you see him."

"Now that's a scary thought."

Coyote prodded Ellie awake with, "Eros got us motel rooms."

"Yay," she managed punctuating it with a yawn.

"Come on!" Eros snapped from the sidewalk. Eliana stumbled to the door, waiting for him to unlock it. The J.C. was feeding mourning doves bits of granola bar in the center of the parking lot as though it didn't matter in the least that it was the middle of the night and those birds ought to have been roosting.

"A road trip with Jesus. I don't think I can handle this," she murmured.

Eros opened the door and there was a 'woo!' of excitement from inside. "Why aren't I surprised," Eros asked, sounding incredibly put upon.

Dionysus poked his head out from the motel room, gesturing his cousin aside as he peered into the parking lot. "Jesus?"

The Lord and Savior looked up from the flock of birds at his feet. "Hey Dionysus."

"Oh God," Eliana said, smacking her open palm to her forehead.

"Yeah?" Jesus said, teasing.

"That is so not cool," she shot back.

"Are you saying the Son of God isn't cool?" Coyote asked.

"I think at this point I have to stop worrying so much about blasphemy," she said, moving past Eros and Dionysus into the motel room. She was pretty sure she heard Jesus say, "Well, I have a date with Mary Jane," as he walked into the room next door, but she actively pretended that she hadn't.


	24. In which there is melodrama

Chapter Twenty-Four: In which there is melodrama and continuing blasphemy. I'm sorry God.

Jesus, Dionysus and Coyote went on that date with Mary Jane while Ellie took a shower. Eros indulged in his own addiction while he had the room just about to himself: America's Funniest Home Videos. He was quick to turn off the television though when Ellie came out of the bathroom, steam following in her wake.

"What had you busting up like that?" she asked, sitting at the foot of the bed he was currently reclining in.

"Nothing really," he said vaguely and sat up. She had started pulling a brush through her hair and he took it from her. "Let me."

"Do you really think I'm that lazy?"

"No, I just think I missed my calling as a hair dresser."

She snorted as he tugged the brush through her hair. "It was the being nice to people that threw you, wasn't it?"

"You know it."

They lapsed into silence and the faint sounds of an acoustic guitar being played next door became audible. "Is that Jesus?" Ellie asked.

"I think it is," Eros said and handed back the hairbrush. "Thanks for indulging me."

"Whatever. Weirdo."

Jesus interrupted anything Eros might have replied with by walking in and announcing, "Ya'll are missing the party."

"That's completely unacceptable. At the rate I'm going I'll never have a chance to party with Jesus in the afterlife, so I should take full advantage of my time here on earth," Ellie said, standing.

When she and Eros made the move to the next motel room, they found the Coyote and Dionysus trapped in a fit of giggles, Jesus joining in again once he was back inside the room.

"You sound like a gaggle of school girls," Eros informed them but it only served to set them off more. He shook his head and sat on the edge of the empty bed, Ellie following suit.

"I'm starved," Coyote complained, flopping onto the bed beside them.

"Here," Jesus said, handing him a box of goldfish crackers from his backpack.

"Is that the modern day equivalent of loaves and fishes?" Dionysus asked, trying to keep in his laughter and failing.

"No, they're just tasty."

"Our God is a snacky God," Coyote added before joining in Dionysus' giggling.

"If I were to say that the you're all ridiculous would I get smote?"

"No," Eros assured as Coyote chuckled out a "Maybe."

"I'll go with the sober one, thanks."

They fell into the self-feeding laughter again, Dionysus choking out, "I love your mortal, Eros."

"You're just saying that so I'll have sex with you," Eliana told him. "Dude, I can't say sex in front of Jesus," she scolded herself. "Straight to hell."

The trio of drunken and high gods seemed to be coming out of their laughing fit and Coyote reached over and patted her hand in a comforting way. "Ellie, all the fun ones are destined for hell according to you Catholics."

"Easy for you to say, you don't have to worry about an eternity in the lake of fire, Mr. Immortal."

"Could we not?" Jesus asked. "Just this once?"

There was a long lull in the conversation and Dionysus took that as an opportunity to pass his ever-present wine bottle to the mortal. "Here, Ellie. You're so much livelier when you're drunk."

"I bet you say that to all the girls," she said but accepted it anyway, taking a long pull before passing it to Eros.

Eliana looked from Coyote, lying on his back with the forgotten box of Goldfish resting on his stomach, to Jesus and Dionysus lounging on the other bed and laughed. "I can't handle all this at once," she said, standing. "I need a cigarette."

Eros handed her his suit jacket, saying, "It's cold out."

"Thanks, Ma," she replied but took it and made her way to the door.

She hadn't realized Coyote had followed her out until he sat down beside her on the curb, holding his lighter out for her. "Thanks," she said as she exhaled the first drag.

"I have a question for you," he began.

"I thought I was supposed to turn to you gods for answers, not the other way around."

"Don't be a smart ass," he replied with a smirk. "What was that bad idea J.C. was talking about in the car?"

Embarrassed she looked thoughtfully at her shoes. "Er, nothing."

"Are you blushing?" he teased, bumping her with his shoulder.

"No!"

"Is that right?"

"Let's just forget all about that, ok?" she said dropping her half finished cigarette.

"Fine," he called over his shoulder as she hurried back inside.

Jesus, Dionysus and Eros had continued passing the wine bottle around. Eliana snatched it out of Eros' hand and chugged. Dionysus clapped his hands when she lowered it, wiping her mouth on the back of her wrist.

"What's wrong, Eliana?" Eros asked taking the bottle back from her.

She shuddered as the wine hit her empty stomach and grinned. "Nothing anymore." She sat down heavily on the bed. "Whoa. That was kinda awesome."

"I heard you met up with Aphrodite," Dionysus prompted.

Eliana winced. "Bitch crazy."

"Be quiet. That goes for you too, cousin," Eros snapped. "Last thing I need is Aphrodite deciding her dear son needs another visit.

Eliana was pretty sure she saw the god shudder.

"Where did you hear about that anyway?"

Dionysus laughed. "Mercury told me. I ran into him in L.A., he's a writer on E.R. these days."

"Hey," Jesus said picking himself out of his soporific state. "Pestilence is working on that. Well, for the minute anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eliana asked, eyes widening.

"Chill," the J.C. told her before drink more wine. "The end times aren't nigh, I just mean he's a busy horseman."

"Aren't they all? Ellie asked sadly.

Dionysus handed her the bottle and she chugged again. "No crying in the party room."

Jesus, meanwhile was looking rather depressed himself and Ellie passed the bottle to him. "Sorry, J.C., didn't mean to remind you of our sheer stupidity."

"It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so often in Our name," he said letting his head droop down.

There is no guilt like the guilt that comes with making Jesus Christ, Son of God, sad. She stood. "I'll, uh, be back in a minute," she announced heading back to her room and hoping that Dionysus and Eros could cheer him up.

In her too much wine too quickly daze she didn't hear the shower running until she had already opened the door to the bathroom. She yelped and closed the door again quickly, taking a moment to try and catch her breath. She completed her embarrassment when she tripped over the jeans on the floor outside the door trying to scuttle away.

Coyote's hands shot out, grabbing her elbows to steady her. "All right there, kid?" he asked with a laugh.

"Fine," she said, turning around. "I don't know when I turned into such a light weight…." She trailed off when she realized he was wearing only a bath towel and that was hanging rather loosely off of his hips. "Er."

"Tell me you're not blushing now and see if I believe you."

She laughed self-consciously. "Sorry. I'll, uh, just let you get back to your shower. Uh." She had started backing away but he followed her in a predatory sort of fashion.

"You never asked what you owed me for forgetting what was said in the car."

"C'mon, Coyote," she cajoled. "Aren't we past all that reciprocity stuff?" she asked and her backward motion was suddenly halted by the wall.

He grinned at her in a way that made her even more nervous. "I'll never be past reciprocity," he said still inching closer.

Eliana leaned her head back trying to put as much distance between her and the god as possible but she only succeeded in hitting her head against the wall with a loud 'thunk'. "Ow!" she complained with a wince. While she was busy nursing her smarting head, she didn't notice Coyote move until he stroked one hand through her still damp hair.

"It won't even leave a knot, you big baby," he teased, fingers brushing against her scalp.

"Stop that," she said but made no move to fend him off.

"What's the matter, Ellie?" he asked leaning closer still.

"It's a very bad idea," she said but stopped glancing around for a way out of the corner she seemed trapped in.

The door to the motel room opened forcefully enough to bang into the opposite wall. "Coyote," Eros said and Eliana couldn't help but wince at the 'god voice.'

"Eros," Coyote replied and both gods proceeded to stare at each other but neither appeared ready to back down.

Eliana tried to repress a shudder. She didn't dare move for fear that she would somehow set off the gods. She had thought that the room had gotten cold when Artemis was angry- now she could see her breath in the chill air. And there was no Kate acting as a mediary this time.

"Whoa," Dionysus said breaking the silence. She could just see him and the J.C. behind Eros. When Dionysus gently touched his arm and said quietly, "Cousin."

Eros' glare thus interrupted Ellie not only felt safe in breathing again, but darted to the opposite side of the room, putting as much space between her and both Coyote and Eros as possible.

"Get your clothes, brah," Jesus said, "I think we should let Ellie turn in for the night."

Eros entered looking at neither Ellie nor the departing Coyote. When the door closed Eros turned his anger on Eliana. "What the fuck were you doing?"

She sat down on the edge of on of the beds as if unable to stand under his ire. "I-"

"No, never mind. I've decided that I don't want to hear it. Go to bed."

The room instantly went dark and she tucked her knees beneath her chin. She could hear him moving for the door and she tried again, "Eros-"

But he ignored her, leaving and slamming the door shut behind him as though to make his point.

She covered her face with her hands and told the empty room, "I want to go home."


End file.
